Out of sight, out of mind: Why you should never keep anything from past relationships

Everyone has their rituals after a break-up: four cartons of Ben and Jerry’s, sobbing over that speech in The Notebook (you know the one; “I wrote you 365 letters; I wrote you everyday for a year”, or sending them a long, mushy text about how much you’ll miss their pets. Me and my friends built a ceremonial fire with all of the things my ex had ever given me on it, danced round it and then got black-out drunk on tequila.

You know, like you do.

But it was actually the best thing I could have done. Instead of agonising over what to do with all the remnants of our relationship and getting teary going through it all, it was all gone in a puff of smoke. It was more like a house was on fire and the neighbours complained because of the smoke but you can’t have everything.

The teddies, the love notes, flowers, jewellery, photos – it all had to go.

Because what are you really keeping it for?

Hannah, 19, says: “When my ex and I split up, I didn’t feel bothered about throwing things like teddies and valentines’ cards but I kept all the jewellery. Like, it was nice stuff. Then I saw a picture of him still wearing a necklace I had given him – I know, he wore jewellery, that should have been a warning sign – and it made me feel so weird. Why did he still have it? Did that meant he missed me? It freaked me out so much that I donated the jewellery he had given me to charity after that.”

Another friend, Emma, told me: “When I broke up with my ex about six months ago, I kept everything that he had given me. I still wore all the jewellery, the clothes, I read through all the sweet texts he had sent me. I didn’t think there was anything wrong with it at the time, but looking back now, I know I was only kept those things because subconsciously I wanted us to get back together. All those objects are doing is tying you to someone you don’t know really know anymore.”

However, Esmerelda raises an interesting point; sure, throw away everything material he or she ever gave you. But what about things like pictures, texts, Facebook wall posts, if that’s even a thing anymore?

I personally went half way on the virtual side of things – I deleted all the texts, selfies, nudes (because it’s just the polite thing to do) that he had ever sent me. However, I didn’t go as far as taking all of the pictures of us together off social media. I thought it actually made you seem like you cared more if you went through your entire Instagram account, deleting every single loved-up snap of the two of you.

BUT, if your ex really screwed you over, this Twitter user has come up with a pretty witty way of getting them back without deleting all of your pictures together – check it out here. 

Plus, throwing everything out really is one of the best ways to get over someone: you’ll never have to worry about stumbling across an errant, romantic selfie of the two of you on your phone and having all of those feelings rush back. Go on girl – throw out that disgusting, never-washed-so-it-still-has-his-smell sweatshirt and go out there and find someone with better sweatshirts to steal.