Celebrity Traitors has begun: Here’s how your Cardiff Uni course would behave in the game

With The Celebrity Traitors back on our screens, it’s time to ask the important question. If Cardiff University’s courses were thrown into the castle, who would be the ultimate Traitor, and who would be banished before the first breakfast?

Between Cathays gossip, library all-nighters, and the inevitable deadline panic, Cardiff Students are no strangers to a little drama. But how would their degrees fare when the stakes are higher than a Wednesday night in YOLO?

Journalism – The one who’s in it to win it

Never underestimate a journalism student. Humble, charming and just the right amount of sneaky, they’d know exactly how to work the room without making themselves look suspicious. They would ask all the right questions, keep their cards close to their chest and somehow convince everyone they were faithful, even though they had already plotted their entire game. 

They wouldn’t hesitate to betray their closest ally if it meant securing the win. After all, the story is everything. 

Politics – The one who can spin absolutely anything 

A natural-born traitor. They’d promise loyalty to everyone in the castle, form alliances they had absolutely no intention of keeping and somehow turn every accusation into an opportunity to boost their popularity.

By the time the first murder happened, they’d have already launched a campaign to become the most trusted faithful. 

Their biggest threat would not be getting caught out on a lie, but someone realising they haven’t actually answered a single question. 

Law – The one who argues their way out of murder

From their perspective, the round table is a courtroom, picking apart every accusation as though their degree depended on it. They’d demand evidence, challenge witness statements and find loopholes in rules that nobody even knew existed. Accused of being a traitor? Objection. They would be almost impossible to banish because nobody could get a word in. 

Unfortunately, they would spend so long arguing their innocence that the rest of the castle would vote them out purely to avoid another closing argument. 

Philosophy – The one who questions everything

There would be no satisfaction with simply finding out who the traitors are. They would want to know what it actually means to be a traitor in the first place. Is betrayal inherently wrong? Can anyone truly be trusted? And if everyone is lying, does truth even exist? 

While the rest of the castle tried to work out who murdered their fellow contestants, they would be questioning the morality of the game itself. Either the most suspicious person in the castle or the most suspiciously intelligent. 

Business – The one who sees betrayal as a business strategy

Enter the castle with one goal: maximise their return on investment. Friendships would become strategic partnerships, shields would be valuable assets and the prize fund would be treated like a corporate acquisition. 

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As a traitor, a carefully calculated plan to eliminate the competition while keeping their own reputation intact. As a faithful, a negotiation for a merger with the Traitors.

They would be convinced they were running the castle like a successful company, right up until their closest business partner voted them out at the round table. 

Psychology – The one who thinks they can read minds

Spending hours analysing everyone’s behaviour, developing theories about trust and deception, and explaining the science behind their suspicions to anyone unfortunate enough to sit beside them. The only problem is that they would be so busy psychoanalysing the faithful that they would completely overlook the actual Traitor.

Their confidence would be impressive. Their accuracy? Less so. 

Convinced they could identify a traitor through body language alone, from a suspicious glance across breakfast to avoiding eye contact. 

English literature –  The one convinced they are in a Shakespearean tragedy

To them, the castle is one giant dramatic text, with every contestant a character and every breakfast a potential plot twist. Searching for the foreshadowing, hidden symbolism and clues in the way someone is dramatically sipping their tea. 

Their delivery of accusation would have the intensity of a Shakespearean monologue, convinced that every betrayal was part of a much larger narrative. As a traitor, they would relish the dramatic irony of fooling everyone around them. Their downfall would span from mistaking a genuinely suspicious contestant for a misunderstood protagonist and defending them right up until the final vote.

Medicine – The one everyone trusts until it is too late

Becoming the castle’s most trusted contestant, quickly. Calm under pressure, observant and always ready to help, the person everyone turns to when the stress of the game becomes too much. Who would suspect the person checking whether everyone had eaten breakfast? 

As a traitor, the perfect cover. Collecting everyone’s trust while everyone around them was busy pointing fingers. So convincing that even after a string of suspicious murders, the faithful would insist they were far too lovely to be responsible. The only weakness was being so exhausted from studying that they accidentally fell asleep during their own murder plot. 

The castle might be miles away from Cardiff, but the drama would feel very familiar. Between politics students spinning the truth, law students arguing over it and psychology students overanalysing it, the round table would be less of a game and more of a seminar nobody had prepared for.

And as for who would actually win? Never trust the person who insists they are faithful. 

The real question is: which Cardiff Uni course would you trust with your life, and which would you banish before breakfast?

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Featured image via BBC iPlayer