NPC valley: Top side characters in every Newcastle student’s life

From the unfortunate drunk hookup in Tup Tup, to questionable lab demonstrators, every Newcastle student has those unfortunate side characters who pop up at the worst moments (like the morning after your Wednesday social).

Here’s a list of the top side characters guaranteed to ruin your day, make your eyes roll with annoyance, or that you’re secretly hoping to catch sight of.

1. The evil situationship 

You will now see them more than you ever did than when you were “together.”

2. The uni speaker 

There’s always that one girl who is possessed by the spirit of an LA influencer, and pipes up in a lecture or seminar. You may not know her face, but you’ll definitely know her voice from the constant twopence she adds to your 9am.

3. Housemates during your second year curse

Freshers, be warned: The second year curse is real, and bumping into them will be awkward, and the tensest interaction of your day. Watch out for any opps when having a gossip with friends on Osborne Road.

4. The Hinge date

Did it go wrong on the date, or did the issues come post-date after a cheeky sleepover? Regardless, seeing them in their Tom’s Trunks and gilets around Jesmond may or may not be the worst thing ever. Who knows whether your weekly shop will end up leading to a second date?

5. The Bar Blanc warrior

It’s impressive how they have so much time and money to spend chugging pints. Weekends, Mondays, £2 Tuesdays, rollovers and, of course, a Wednesday social will see them firmly planted in Blanc with a red pint. 

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6. The BNOC (big name on campus)

There are two types of BNOCs: The girl in the Jes girl uniform – with a coffee from Local in her hand – who knows everyone for some bizarre reason, and the lad who has more mutuals with you than the amount of people who went to your sixth form. Bonus points for an 80-20 girls-boys Instagram followers ratio, and if they’re on a rugby team.

7. The joint social lad

Socials on a Wednesday night are a breeding ground for bad decisions. The worst of them may be the drunk makeout in CASA, and the sloppy sex that follows with a minion, lobster, or boy slathered in fake tan. Waking up dazed and confused in a bed with no duvet and only one pillow is a humbling moment, but not as bad as finding out they will be at your next joint social. 

8. The placement bragger

A study abroad in Milan, or a placement at a top law firm in London is all this second year will talk about for the entirety of the semester. You will spot them around Jesmond in third year, and will never hear about that placement again. 

9. Jolene 

We’ve missed her over the summer. Freshers, if you don’t know her, get to know. Visit the Maccies on Northumberland St to meet the infamous Jolene!

Keep an eye out for the side characters you bump into, and let us know if you have an NPC that you keep seeing.

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