Here’s what you’ll drink at Sheffield pres based on your degree alone

Coming to uni in Sheffield for the first time this year and wondering what drink you should take to impress your new flatmates at pres? Or perhaps you’re just looking to reinvent yourself. Or to become more sophisticated. Or you just want to try something new.

Your signature drink communicates a lot about your personality, who you are and how you want other to perceive you. Your degree choice says even more about you as a person. For many, it’s the biggest decision you’ll have made in your life so far. So what better criteria to decide your new signature pres drink? Here’s what you’ll drink at Sheffield pres based on your degree alone.

History – Wine

Wine is the perfect drink for history students. What could fit them more than a sophisticated, well-aged vintage bottle of wine? And if you’re looking to impress, all it takes is a quick read of the bottle and five minute Google search about the wine to make your friends believe you’re a connoisseur. If you arrive slightly late to pres, with them a drink or two already in, your ruse will be a piece of cake.

Medicine – Straight vodka

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Despite being more educated than anyone else on the dangers of alcohol, straight vodka is my doctor’s order for any aspiring doctor. Because, at least from the outside, a medical degree seems enough to turn anyone to drink. Basically a decade of uni, and then more training after that, with the end goal of getting the privilege of treating elderly people with athlete’s foot. I’d need constant access to strong drinks just to survive. Just as long as you don’t drink on the job, especially not in the operating theatre.

Languages – Asahi

via @TheUltimatePint on X

Languages students will drink Asahi, or any other exotic pint from a faraway land. It will of course be consumed in a branded pint glass that you stole from a beach bar in said faraway land, because you must make it clear how very worldly and well-traveled you are to every you meet. Your friends will look at you suspiciously while you sip your pint from your branded glass and wonder if it’s not just Stella poured into the glass and passed off as an exotic-sounding and tasting pint. Come to think of it, they haven’t seen you actually pour your pint even once.

Landscape architecture – Cider

Presumably, the only possible reason you’d willingly study something which, at least on the outside, seems as mind-numbingly boring as landscape architecture, would be a pathological obsession with trees. Of course, cider is made from things like pears or apples – which grow on trees. The fact cider is the world’s most boring drink (ask anyone) means it suits the world’s most boring degree only more. In the summer, you’ll find Weston Park practically full of landscape architecture students, sipping their boring drinks and staring longingly at the trees. Beware – one may try to talk to you, and once they get a chance to talk about trees, they’ll never stop.

Finance – Champagne

The only prerequisite to do a finance degree is money. It’s in the name. Apparently, they don’t even ask you for a personal statement, or an EPQ when you’re applying for a finance degree – they just give you a quick memory test of “Wolf of Wall Street” quotes to find out if you’re enough of an avaricious menace to society for the degree. As a result, you won’t ever find finance students shoving anything other than champagne down their gullets, regardless of whether they even like it (they will pretend to). If you’re ever unfortunate enough to find yourself on a date with a finance student, at least you can grab the bottle from the table and run as you flee after the very first thing they say is: “What does your dad do again?”

Law – Vodka soda

via @synthphunk on X

When you put law down on your UCAS you did it because you wanted to be Harvey Specter, didn’t you? Ask that question to any law student and, if they’re not a liar, the answer will be yes. So that’s why law students can be found necking vodka soda – it’s the Harvey Specter of drinks. It’s calm, it never fails and it’s the most sophisticated variation of vodka and a mixer. Of course, and never say this to a law student’s face or it will, without doubt, cause an argument (which they love) no law student is anything like a real life Harvey Specter, and their choice of drink can never change that.

Engineering – Vodka Coke

via @MikeJWake on X

Engineering students drink exclusively vodka coke. Nothing else. Their taste buds can’t handle it. That’s because, even more than landscape architecture students, engineering students are Sheffield’s most boring students. Because there are just so many of them. They’re ten a penny. I’ve met so many engineering students in this city that when someone new tells me they do an engineering degree, I just shrug. I’ve asked the same questions and had the same conversations so many times when I’ve found out someone does engineering that I cannot think of anything new to say to them. And I literally cannot be bothered to try.

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