A final year student’s guide to being an Exeter fresher

We’ve all been there. That first time facing Forum Hill or the first journey into the carnage of Sidwell Street – everyone has had their day as a silly fresher. It’s less of a ‘do not do’ list, and more of a ‘you’re inevitably going to do’ list. If you are currently doing these things, do not stress. Making these crucial fresher mistakes will only make you the more functional at Exeter uni. As a final year student, here is my definitive guide to perfectly embodying the Exeter uni fresher, for better or for worse…

1. Wearing only Urban Outfitters

Not to discriminate against the male readers of the Tab, but nothing screams “Exetah” fresher more than a carefully curated wardrobe of Urban Outfitter’s finest and overpriced selection of goods. Whether it’s a corset top or a BDG jumper paired with the baggiest jeans you’ve ever seen in your life, the excitement of an Urban Outfitters on Fore Street is just too much for the fresher mind… and the fresher bank account (see number five).

2. Always picking the worst night-out options available

It seems a lack of life experience (and possibly a frontal lobe) will take you down some dark, dark Exeter roads. From a foam party in Fever to a traffic light party in Unit 1 (RIP), the newest cohort of students never fails to make the worst choices when it comes to ways to spend your evening. (If anyone seriously wants to explain the appeal of spending three hours catching hypothermia at the foam party- I’m all ears).

3. Attending every Batty Bingo

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This absolute staple of the University of Exeter’s nightlife gets its’ own category because I do believe it’s a particularly egregious fresher’s sin. Nothing says silly fresh quite like voluntarily walking down Fore Street at 6:30PM on a Tuesday evening in your themed outfits. Then spending the next three hours NOT playing bingo and actually spending your entire first term’s loan on booze whilst someone else wins a trampoline.

4. Being the LOUDEST person in The Forum

Freshers are to Exeter campus what an American is to a quiet rural restaurant in southern Europe. Enough said.

5. Never. Saving. Money.

Look, I get it. Remembering the childlike excitement that comes with a fresh overdraft still gives me goosebumps to this very day. The call of just a little treat is a sweet siren song and you best believe I still answer it every. Single. Time.

But nothing says silly fresh like loudly proclaiming the cost of your absolute bargain of a vintage jacket (fifty great British pounds, mind you) for the whole of the library to hear. Oh? You spent £3.50 on a loaf of seeded bread from the M&S Foodhall? Please hand over access to your bank account for the foreseeable future.

6. Being nutrient deprived. Severely.

Picture this: you wake up. It’s 11:30AM. You have a raging hangover and obviously aren’t going to any lectures. You’re hungry and your options are pesto pasta, tomato pasta, cheesy pasta or toast. With nowhere to turn, you have pesto pasta for the third time this week.  Or, you might dabble in another Mcdelivery. Either way, you’re defo not getting any greens in.

7. Being declared MIA from any and all lectures

Better suited for an article titled ‘Where NOT to be an Exeter Fresher’, this stereotype is tried, tested and invariably true. A hungover chanting of “first-year grades don’t even matter anyway” haunts every fresher accommodation and shapes the young minds of tomorrow into skiving absentees. And that’s okay. Establishing a solid foundation for the next two years of your degree is fun…but tearing up the dance floor in TP top-top is more fun. And you do only live once.

8. Do NOT wear purple

Don’t wear it. You will get scolded.

Related articles recommended by this writer:

• If you’ve done any of these six things, you’re a certified silly Exeter fresher

• Stock up on Lemsip because Exeter has been revealed as a hotspot for freshers’ flu

• From Laf to Holland: What your first year Exeter accommodation says about you