Six types of students to watch out for during your first term at Cambridge University

Freshers’ Week is drawing near and soon innocent, eager new students will be thrown into the weird (yet wonderful!) world of Cambridge. Whilst you certainly will make friends for life during your time at uni, keep your eyes peeled for these certain types of students that you will definitely be crossing paths with in the next few years:

1. The rower

These students can be spotted from a mile away. Sure to be seen at all times in their Blues or college rowing stash (yes, even at the club), this sport is their sole topic of conversation. Every chat will consist of: “No sorry, can’t make it mate—I have training”, “Heading for an erg sesh”, “When I competed in Bumps last year…”, and you will never be able to get a word in edgeways. My advice? Do not engage.

Future Boat Race crew? (Image Credits: Ruby Livingston)

2. The Thespian

If sport is a big deal in Cambridge, student theatre is a close rival. Nicknamed “Thesps”, these students live and breathe theatre, but beware befriending a thesp during Freshers’ Week because soon they will be overcome with so many rehearsals and meetings that they’ll never make it to pres again. But instead of totally disappearing, they will be sure to accost you on the street to make you go and see their super deep, experimental new show. And they will hold it against you if you don’t.

3. The Union hack

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The Cambridge Union: A group of wannabe future politicians. It is exactly what everyone pictures Cambridge to be—old and posh. You can spot a union hack from a mile away as they stroll around in their business suits and ask to borrow someone’s cufflinks on your college freshers group chat. Your social media will soon be bombarded by them, harassing you to vote for them as an officer or even president with a perfectly curated graphic filled with positive endorsements and a “groundbreaking” manifesto.

4. The LinkedIn warrior

Speaking of LinkedIn, do you want to connect? Cousin to the union hack, the LinkedIn warrior is obsessed with networking. They didn’t come to Cambridge to make memories with their new friends or even to study, oh no, they’re here to secure the bag. Their grind begins as soon as they secure that offer with “University of Cambridge undergraduate” added to their bio before they even tell their parents. They have no shame: Met once? They’ve requested to connect. Although when they inevitably get that prestigious banking/consulting/law job, maybe their desperation might not seem so funny anymore…

Respectfully no (Image Credits: Facebook @Camfess)

5. The absentee

It’s Freshers’ Week; you’ve met someone you really click with and can imagine yourself running off into the platonic sunset with them, spending your whole time at uni together. But then: poof! They’ve vanished. Where did they go? What happened? This is a classic Cambridge case of the workaholic. Lectures start, deadlines are set, and that friend of yours is gone, stuck in their room for the rest of eternity. They become an enigma, almost a figment of your imagination, until that fated day when you might bump into them randomly in second year as you’re walking to your supo. A brief smile and then they’re back to being the absentee, the one who got away.

Note: there is an extremely high chance that this student does STEM.

6. The Sidge girlie

While your STEM friend vanishes, your humanities friend will be sure to grab your attention. This student makes Sidgwick Site their runway, catwalking their way to a 9am lecture in an outfit that took far too much effort. Wearing joggers is a cardinal sin, scarves become an all year round requirement, and curtain bangs are a must. Their tote bag will contain no more than a battered copy of Sylvia Plath poetry and a packet of “baccy” (which they say totally unironically) as they strut with a coffee cup in hand. You’re either going to want to kiss them, kill them, or be them and they know it.

Scarves WITH your gown???

Be on the look out for these students to protect your peace this term. Although, don’t let this put you off and spend the next few weeks in fear about not meeting like-minded people during your time at Cambridge: Most of us are normal! It’s all a bit of fun.

Feature Image Credits: Ruby Livingston

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