What grade you’re going to get, based on your star sign

I am female, therefore I might be a witch, and therefore I might be psychic.

Following this assumption I have assembled my predictions for every star sign and how they will hate life this summative season:

Aries (March 21- April 19)

You may feel largely conflicted this summative season to play by the Module Handbook or simply wing it. However, before logging into Turnitin have a final read-through of that paper, otherwise you may cause irreparable damage to your career prospects.

High 2:2

Taurus (April 20- May 20)

You may have an epiphany that you hate the Theology degree you are five terms in. Before your mind littered with Ancient Greek pulls a Judas on your self-esteem, consider a course change. Then realise course changes mid-year are not a thing. Then suck it up and half-ass your work like you always do.

Bare Pass

Gemini (May 21-June 20)

Some tension could crop up between you and a tutor you thought you identified with. However if plagiarism has seeped into these relationships, namely to the point where you feel diminished or undervalued, it may be time to go your own way.

2:1

Cancer (June 21-July 22)

You may find yourself in a heated one-way argument today with your workload, JSTOR, or a lecturer’s e-mail which could have you feeling like your job prospects or personal goals are being thwarted. While you shouldn’t back down and ignore how you feel, try to come from a rational place.

An accidental 1st, which even you cannot believe you actually got

Leo (July 23-August 22)

You may find yourself more opinionated than usual today, which could put you in an argumentative mood. Though before you go around offering to read through and edit that random dude’s diss, think about whether it’s worthwhile to procrastinate in a way that is so boring. You will promise it anyway, and never get around to it because of Netflix.

2:2

Virgo (August 23-September 22)

You could be feeling like you’re not getting what you believe you deserve when it comes to grades. Understand this discomfort is to help you make a change. How can you make yourself more employable? How can you improve your sense of studying? Get the answers.

3rd

Libra (September 23-October 22)

There’s a chance that an issue between you and a module you hate could be putting undue pressure on you, which could lead to tempers flaring. Though what comes out now can help you to strip away the fluff and the nonsense, helping you to be more authentically you.

High 2:1, that could’ve been a 1st if you didn’t get that one 3rd

Scorpio (October 23- November 21)

If you find yourself feeling overwhelmed this term or feeling like you’re spread too thin, take a moment (or several) to regroup and catch your breath. While you’re known to be a pathological overachiever who never got over their Oxford rejection letter, this is a time for paring down, for resting, and getting back to your core self. You don’t have to do it all.

1st

Sagittarius (November 22-December 21)

You may be feeling like your coursework is getting in the way of a creative passion, plan, or goal. Though you may just need to look at the situation differently. Create a vision board, journal your thoughts, and soak up as much inspiration as you can. You can do this. You can manage to procrastinate fully.

2:2

Capricorn (December 22-January 19)

There may be some tension today between your own needs (i.e. sleep), the demands of your lecturer, and your squad goals especially where your sense of stability is concerned. Though know that this is an opportunity to work on your self-worth so you better command what you’re worth.

2:1

Aquarius (January 20- February 18)

You may be feeling conflicted as to whether you should play it low key or let your freak flag fly unabashedly. Put that flag away, and hit the books in Billy B.  Ultimately you were born to be original, which sometimes rubs others the wrong way, much to your delight. Though to get ahead now, you’ll catch more flies with honey than vinegar- do not offer your tutor a poetry chapbook instead of a lab report.

3rd

Pisces (February 19-March 20)

You may be feeling some angst this term when it comes to your overdraft and your hopes, dreams, and wishes. But know that where your mind is, is what will be reflected back to you. Use your mind to visualize what you want. (Happy Birthday btw.)

2:1