It’s 2016 and The Sun has rated the cleavage of some of the actresses at the Oscars
They called it the Titsee Index
The Sun likes tits.
In fact, a lot of people like tits. But The Sun has made tits an editorial mandate. Tits are part of The Sun’s brand; and cleverly – insidiously, perhaps – they have turned them into two bouncing symbols of press freedom. Don’t tell The Sun to put their tits away, you narc – that’s practically censorship.
And The Sun is knowing. It took page three away, and then brought it back the next day. It laughed as people got really, really angry about this – especially the No More Page 3 campaign. Today, the third page of the newspaper features a picture of a quite undressed woman telling readers about her holiday. She is called Holly. The small blurb signs off “sounds like the Holly-day of a lifetime”.
But unusually, today, the centre pages of the newspaper are covered in tits too. Showbiz correspondent Dan Wootton has been to the Oscars and he reckons that the talking point of the ceremony is the tits. I’d actually rather he’d banged on about Leo, again.
Wootton’s made a Titsee index, rating the tits of seven actresses, out of ten. Brie Larson – who won a Best Actress Oscar – only got 4/10 because hers were quite covered up so they must be totally shit. Cate Blanchett – who is a former Oscar-winner – got a 5/10 (she’s pretty old, I guess?).
Saoirse Ronan (nominated for her first Oscar at 13, and nominated again this year) got 6/10 and Margot Robbie – “in a shimmering, sequinned Tom Ford ensemble” – got 7/10. Charlotte Riley’s “cleavage stole the show” (doesn’t even mean anything – she got 8/10 though) and Olivia Wilde got 9/10.
Charlize Theron won. Guess what she won – “the Oscar for the lowest neckline”!
The rest of the page is your usual nasty analysis of the “frock stars” (well-dressed) and “frock horrors (badly-dressed). All the “best-dressed” women are under 34. Both of the “worst-dressed” women are over 38. There are no men on the page.
The Sun knows what it’s doing, obviously. The comments on each neckline were actually fairly vanilla – cliched, yes (“let her gown do the talking”; “all eyes on her”; “blooming gorgeous” about Cate’s floral dress), though not particularly lascivious.
But obviously – and it’s so obvious – it is gross and sexist to rate the cleavage of a series of intelligent, award-winning women. Note: it would also be gross and sexist if they were stupid and unaccomplished women. Because it is gross and sexist to pit women against each other on the grounds of their physical assets rather than their intellectual or professional ones.
It happens time and again. And I’d really prefer that men – and women, for we do it too – gave it a rest. It is frustrating, it is boring and it is tedious. It is regressive; it is boorish. It does not happen to men to anywhere near the same degree. Honestly, writing this is a bit boring because it’s so obvious.
Everyone pored over the actresses’ dresses yesterday – this is a ritualised part of the frothy circus of awards season. The Sun is just one loud voice in the general sexist cacophony. But I do wish they’d shut up.