Things to do if you’re single in Leeds on Valentine’s Day

Once again Valentine’s Day has come around and, like last year, you’re still single as hell.

Even the mere sight of a happy couple frolicking and laughing around campus  is enough to fill your cold, bleak heart with painful bursts of dismay as you head to Tesco to stock up on the month’s  ice cream supply. You’re feeling sad because once again they remind you of yourself: baeless,  unloved, and horribly alone.

But, as you get out of bed this Sunday, being careful to avoid the empty bottles of red wine littering your bedroom floor, don’t lose hope. There’s plenty of wild things you can do if you’re  single on Valentine’s Day.

Have a cheeky pint at Old Bar, alone

What’s the best way to forget? Alcohol of course. Get yourself down to Old Bar and grab yourself a lovely refreshing pint of ale. Doesn’t he look happy? Right!? (Ignore the lifeless gaze).

Sit outside the Union and watch the happy couples go past, alone

Sometimes it’s best to directly confront your fears of being forever alone. Watch as the happy couples go past, and remind yourself that the strong relationship bond they all share which at once emotionally and physically gratifies them is completely overrated.

Go to the library, alone

So it’s Sunday night and everyone you know is out on their Valentine’s dates. Take advantage of their laxness and head to the library to get ahead of them in work. You know you can’t outdo them on the love front, but they’re going to look like right bellends when they don’t know anything about the “donga” problem afflicting 19th century Lesotho.

Go the gym to get buff, alone

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Starting to question whether your own physical appearance has anything to do with you sorry Valentine’s Day predicament? Hit the gym, get massive, and maybe you won’t be such a walking repellent to the opposite sex.

Watch a rom-com in the cinema, alone

While all the Valentine’s Day lovers identify with the classic boy-meets-girl story, you identify with the chocolate cake seen in the background of scene four.

Serenade your imaginary girlfriend/boyfriend, alone

Serenade your imaginary significant other to make your housemates think you have someone around. Imitate some girly giggles and have a jump on the mattress for extra realism.

Browse for erotic fiction in the Union, alone

You’re feeling rather emotionally unstable and need some sort of release – the Essential’s book section has the answer. You’re looking for Fifty Shades of Grey but anything even a little bit rude will do.

Read your newly acquired erotic fiction book by the Roger Stevens pond, alone

Grab a comfortable bench and proceed to read a book about as fictional as your own love life.