How long have you been holding that can of Red Stripe?
A scientific survey from Lakota
An Admin
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If you venture on a night out in Bristol, you will see cans of Red Stripe floating around.
Everywhere. Everyone is holding one. Everyone wants to be one.
It’s a cult
But are we all really necking red stripe like it’s holy water, or are we just waving them around as props to announce “I have been here before. I know the deal. Also, I am not a Tory.”
If you’re not holding one of these bad boys, you might as well leave
So I followed some wavy clubbers around Lakota & timed how long it took them to finish a can.
Here is a table of my findings:
| RED STRIPE PURCHASER | TIME TAKEN TO COMPLETE CAN | ADDITIONAL NOTES |
| 1 | 1 hour 22 mins 40 secs | Posed for several photos with can before abandoning it in smokers area (approximately 70% still full) |
| 2 | 53 mins 05 secs | Hm. |
| 3 | 1 hour 48 mins 02 secs | Washed down majority of swigs with a sip of water. Let it go, young warrior. |
| 4 | 7 mins 39 secs | Woah, bravo! Red stripe queen! |
| 5 | 18 mins 54 secs | Strong effort |
| 6 | 3 hours + | Abismal. |
Average: 75 MINS
Then again, they don’t serve strawberry mojitos in Lakota.
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