Which Pokémon is your uni?
Would you see Beedrill buzzing around Bristol, or would Kangaskhan be kicking it at Kent? Could Meowth make it into Manchester, or could you see Sandshrew schweffing around Sheffield? We’ve got all the answers to life’s biggest question
Bristol – Metapod
The students of Bristol are soooo meta. Hard-skinned, they often don’t come out of their shell until graduation.
King’s College London – Chansey
Heavily likely to work in a Pokémon centre (hospital), everyone has heard of it yet rarely encounters its students first-hand. Probably because they’re up to their eggs in coursework.
Cardiff – Dragonite
Wales is the land of dragons, so it’s only fitting that Cardiff should be Dragonite. Held in high esteem by many trainers, it looks kind and cuddly but holds a tremendous amount of power.
Lincoln – Mankey
A little bit too uppity for its size, Mankey is a scrappy little bugger and gets angry very, very easily.
Bath – Snorlax
Trying to get to the West Country? Oh no! A wild university is blocking your path! Bath is like Snorlax because the students of this uni barely ever move from their chosen place of kip, the library.
Newcastle – Blastoise
Strong, hard-shelled, and everyone loves them, Newcastle students are always butting heads and spewing liquids on nights out.
Sussex – Diglett
Just so fucking underground man. Its eyes are mostly pupils, so it can see in those dark underground clubs.
UCL – Mr Mime
Quiet and a bit weird, UCL students often struggle to make themselves heard.
Sheffield – Electabuzz
Just fucking buzzed all the time and ready to throw a punch if needed.
Northumbria – Ditto
No identity of its own, Ditto is always copying others to compensate for its odd appearance and lack of expression.
Leeds – Gloom
Leeds student used Acid! It’s super effective!
Trinity College Dublin – Moltres
Fiery, strong, and legendary. A true powerhouse in the world of Pokémon.
York – Kangaskhan
Strong but a bit boring, you don’t really know what to think of them because nobody you know has one.
Imperial College London – Porygon
Clinical, loved by scientists, and edgy in its own way.
Aston – Rattata
Small and plucky, but makes more than enough noise to make you forget their size. Just watch out for their bite.
Birmingham – Scyther
If you’re wandering around Selly Oak late at night, you’re gonna get HM01’d.
Glasgow – Hitmonchan
A rarity with a lot of variety available, and doesn’t pull any punches.
Warwick – Zubat
Persistently annoying, and always chirps up when you don’t want it to.
LSE – Magnemite
Rarely found in the presence of other Pokémon, Magnemite are very cliquey and only associate with other Magnemite.
Cambridge – Kabuto
Ancient, but so hard to get (into) that it’s coveted by Pokémon trainers (applicants) everywhere. Eventually a lot of people realise, it’s not really worth the hassle.
Oxford – Omanyte
Basically the same as Kabuto, but a little bit less weird.
Durham – Mewtwo
Purple, powerful, but completely irresponsible with that power. Found in secluded areas (County Durham), it turns up its nose to anyone it deems unworthy.
Royal Holloway – Nidoran ♀
Has great potential, and could be a seriously good addition to your Pokémon team (or CV), yet its often overlooked due to its weak appearance.
Edinburgh – Hitmonlee
Sure, it packs a powerful kick, but overall it’s a bit boring and you spend most of the time wishing you’d chosen Hitmonchan.
Bournemouth – Slowpoke
Slow, easily confused, and found by the sea, Bournemouth has a decent amount of power but will only use it when necessary.
Aberdeen – Venusaur
Venusaur is an ugly, gruff figure that still somehow manages to be beautiful in places, much like Aberdeen and its lovely campus in a cesspit of a city.
Kent – Paras
Small, weak, and a bit poisonous (to your employment prospects).
Stirling – Jynx
Found a bit out of the way, you’ll find that nobody knows anyone with a Jynx. They have a lot of power though. Cold as ice.
Aberystwyth – Farfetch’d
Slightly weird and often overlooked or forgotten by almost everyone, Farfetch’d is also never seen without a leek, much like the Welsh.
Plymouth – Poliwrath
Fighting comes second nature to Poliwrath, but it often misses its punches.
Exeter – Exeggutor
Green and proud, but regularly off its face. Exeggutor is also how people from Devon say “Exeter” after a few ciders.
Liverpool – Meowth
Every day is Pay Day! Liverpool students have tons of cash to splash, so they’re obviously Meowth.
Hull – Muk
Found in areas of putrid filth (Kingston-upon-Hull), Muk will consume anything, even [w]elly vodka.
Leicester – Onix
Like the skyline of Leicester, Onix is grey and towers above all. A bit snakey, but it rocks.
UEA – Drowzee
Half asleep and a bit chubby, UEA students will easily put you to sleep talking about the “great nights out” in Norwich.
Loughborough – Koffing
Purple, and found in highly polluted areas (the Midlands). The toxic gas (chat) that Lufbra students churn out can be incredibly poisonous (to social situations).
Manchester – Beedrill
Always buzzing, and sharp as a needle. Just don’t get stabbed.
Nottingham – Machoke
Always in the gym, working on those guns. Good at fighting, but not much else.
Nottingham Trent – Machop
Plucky and always up for a fight, but not quite as powerful or prestigious as its evolution.
Oxford Brookes – Charmander
Everyone’s got a soft spot for Charmander. Sounds good but only chosen by those who don’t know better. Still, it has a fiery nature and a strong intent to be something better.
Queen’s University Belfast – Abra
Always teleporting around different parts of Norn Iron, QUB students always go on to be something great.
UWE – Weedle
Small, weak, and a bit rubbish. No one really wants it but sometimes they just have to bite the bullet and go for it.
Kingston – Magikarp
Often underwater and not very useful, Kingston has great potential.
Is your uni missing? E-mail [email protected] to start The Tab at your uni!