We need a Cook Out at UNC please

Oreo cheesecake fancy shake, anyone?

When I think Carolina, I think community. And when I think community, I think Cook Out.

One of my fondest Cook Out memories was the time I ordered a side of fries with my high school friends after seeing “The Fault in Our Stars” at a drive-in.

Eating our ketchup-drenched fries, we watched as two girls in cowboy boots screamed at each other. Then a mom hopped out of a car and ripped one of the fighting females’ windshield wipers off her jeep —complete with a confederate flag bumper sticker.

Oh, the South.

JL cookout

These memories are bonding experiences.

Cook Out stands for everything Southern: Community. Fried foods. Aggressive crowds. Capitalism.

Each restaurant is either all outdoors or a shady little building with wooden walls and old sports memorabilia. The aesthetic of the American South.

Not only is Cook Out a cultural keystone, it is the Olympus of fast foods.

Forty milkshake flavors are available. If it’s January and you wish you were on a tropical island, order a banana milkshake. If it’s July and you wish it were Christmas, order a mint milkshake. If your boyfriend just broke up with you, order all 40.

Really, more flavors are available because they let you MIX flavors. That’s right. If you’re a fucking weirdo and like to mix pineapple and cappuccino, you have the power.

Cookout trays are $4.99. Do you fully understand what this means? Receiving enough fried foods to vomit for five bucks is every college student’s dream. You get an entrée, two sides, and a drink for $4.99.

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That means you can get fried chicken, french fries, onion rings and a Coke for cheaper than a head of lettuce at Whole Foods. Who knew heart disease could be so cheap?

Considering most of the time students are starving, their brain isn’t working as well and they don’t do as well on schoolwork. So maybe installing a Cook Out will boost grades at Carolina?

Probably.

Definitely.

Plus it’s the perfect hangout spot. Cook Out is the premier spot after a night of drinking. The bitter aftertaste of beer makes everything taste a bit sweeter, so a chocolate milkshake with a side of hushpuppies is suddenly more sugar-sweet than the puppy your drunk self tried to steal from the house party.

Cook Out’s food is great and the atmosphere is better. And as the best school on earth, Carolina deserves such a remarkable restaurant.

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