Everything you were too afraid to ask about weddings

Scrolling through Instagram, the #WeddingSeason posts have become unavoidable. And as the summer rolls on, wedding season only gets busier. With so many to attend, your mind begins racing with questions and anxieties. What do I wear? Should I bring a date? How am I old enough to have friends who are getting married? Will I die alone?

As a Certified Wedding Planner, here is my advice for what you need to know about wedding guest etiquette to avoid any embarrassing blunders, like pulling a Kristen Wiig and toppling through a human-sized cookie. Or you know, wearing white.

Guests

There is often confusion over whether you are permitted to bring a date. If you have been allotted a plus one, your invitation will say, for example, “Emily Duke and XX,” or “Emily Duke and Guest.” If your invitation just says your name, then you should assume you have been invited alone.

It is never appropriate to complain or ask the couple for a plus one. The only time when it is acceptable to politely reach out to the couple is if you are married or engaged, and the inclusion of a plus one may have been overlooked.

If you are bringing a plus one, be sure that you bring someone who is going to represent you well. Don’t bring anyone who is going to stir up drama. When there is a specific name of a significant other listed as your plus one and that person cannot attend, do not take it to mean that the invitation becomes a free pass for any of your friends in their place.

Dress code

This should go without saying, but ladies– save white dresses for the bride. That goes for shades such as ivory and cream as well. And black is permitted, as long as you don’t look like you just came from a wake.

Always abide by the dress code provided in the invitation. If none is provided, wedding ceremonies occurring 5pm and later tend to have more formal dress than those held during the day.

When in doubt, reach out to someone in the wedding party to clarify– it would be inappropriate to be underdressed. Pay close attention to, and respect any religious traditions or dress codes as well.

RSVPs and gifts

Be sure to RSVP in the manner in which the bride and groom requested. If they ask you to RSVP with your meal choice on a custom folded origami crane RSVP card by a certain date, send that crane back in a timely manner.

It is seen as distasteful for a couple to list their wedding registry on their invitations, so you can most likely find out where they are registered if they have a wedding website, or by talking to someone in the wedding party.

Buying a gift from the wedding registry may feel unoriginal, but it’s the best way to ensure your gift is something the couple actually wants. If you decide to stray from the registry, cards with money are nice alternatives.

Unless you know the couple’s taste extremely well, do not buy them a piece of art or decór for their home. Always include a gift receipt, and whenever possible, mail the wrapped gift in advance.

Behavior etiquette

It is your job to be gracious and share in the bride and groom’s celebration. It is not your time to revel in your own good fortune or share big news.

I don’t care if you just summited Mount Everest, met the most interesting man in the world, or found out you are pregnant with Ryan Gosling’s child– it can wait. Popping the question or announcing a pregnancy at another couple’s wedding is awfully poor taste.

Speeches and toasts are meant for those asked to give them– not the drunkest guy to stumble over to the microphone. If a joke seems questionable to you, chances are, you should not say it. Be cautious of what you do that could embarrass yourself or the bride and groom, especially when there is an open bar.

Photography

Never take photos during the wedding ceremony. The couple is probably dropping major bank on a professional photographer to capture these special moments.

As a common courtesy, do not post photos from the wedding to social media unless the couple encourages you to with an #annoyinglycleverweddinghashtag. The couple may have friends on social media who weren’t invited to the wedding, or they may want to wait to post photos themselves.

Ceremony

If you have been invited to both the wedding ceremony and the reception, you go to both.

Arrive to the ceremony at least 30 minutes prior if the invitation does not denote a specific arrival time. If you are late, wait outside until the ceremony is finished. Entering in the middle is rude.

Silence your electronics– you can dance to “Can’t Stop the Feeling!” all you want at the reception, but nobody wants to hear your ringtone go off during the vows.

And I would imagine the number of weddings stopped in real life is disproportionately lower than in movies, but regardless, keep quiet and forever hold your peace until the reception.

Reception

Respect the table numbers and name cards you are assigned for dinner.

Every seat is planned for a reason. Aunt Lucy can’t sit near Uncle Harold and his super young new wife who is a habitual sniffler from her latest botched rhinoplasty, and the college friends who get way too drunk have to be in the back. After dinner, you can shift around and see other guests.

If you are unsure when it is appropriate in the reception to leave, it is an age-old tradition that the cake cutting serves as a cue that guests may begin leaving. When you leave, take your wedding favors with you. Even if you hate the Muscovy Duck paperweight with the wedding date engraved. A ton of money was spent for you to treasure the keepsakes of the couple’s special day, so you should at least wait until you get home to throw it away.