Everything male sports fans say to female sports fans

I’ve been an active fan of sports since I was a child, never much of a player—though I’ve dabbled in gymnastics, tennis, and TaeKwonDo—but certainly a viewer. When I was younger, my sport of choice was baseball, but as I grew up, I fell in love with football. I come from a family that also loves football, and some of my favorite conversations from the dinner table have been about playoff projections and player statistics.

Outside my family, however, having conversations about football often involves a lot of eye-rolling on my part. Though rarely so, some male fans are incredulous that I, a mere woman, could possibly love watching and discussing the sport of football as much as they do. Every time I encounter a male sports fan who doubts my knowledge or enthusiasm from the start, I am again painfully reminded that the world of sports is still in many ways hostile to women.

I have compiled a list of the top three things I have heard as a female sports fan in conversations with men. While this problem is far more universal than just one team playing just one sport, I will be framing these comments around my love of the New England Patriots, my absolute favorite team in all of sports.

“You only watch football because the players are hot, right?”

You’re right. I only tune in every Sunday (and occasional Monday or Thursday) for a minimum of 16 weeks a year just to see one guy who, in padding, looks nearly identical to the other 10 men on his offense. I only bummed a NFL Sunday Ticket password off of my old boss to watch a New England game in Florida so I could catch a glimpse of Tom Brady spitting on the sideline. I only own a $300 Rob Gronkowski jersey so I can show my appreciation for Tom Brady.

Please.

(Also, come on, guys. Tom Brady’s not even the most attractive player on that team.)

“Did your dad get you into football?”

Yes, my father did introduce me to football. And so did my mother. The both of them, over the course of a season or two, taught me the extensive rulebook of the sport and a deep, near-obsessive love of the Patriots. Easily the loudest people in my neighborhood on any given Sunday are myself and my mother, who taught me the best ways to heckle a referee, even from the living room couch. I grew up in a football family, as did many (if not most) football fans. A love of sports is often passed down through generations, after years of gathering together around a TV or at a stadium to watch together. Just because I, a woman, learned my love from my father, a man, doesn’t mean that my love or my mother’s influence are any less legitimate.

“You only like the Patriots because they win”

I always feel as though accusations of being a fair-weather fan are more commonly and more quickly hurled toward female fans. While it’s true that the Patriots win (a lot), I have spent countless Sundays slack-jawed on my couch, fully in disbelief that my favorite team could be playing that atrociously. I have stuck with them through lost Super Bowls and blown turnovers. I have stuck with them through self-destructions and poor clock management. I stuck with them the season they went 11-5 and still didn’t make the playoffs. I’m sticking with them through DeflateGate (#freebrady). And someday, Tom Brady will retire, and Bill Belichick will stop coaching, and we’ll go through a regrowing period much like the one Tampa Bay has been going through for, well, ever, and even then, I will stick with the New England Patriots.

To me, the Patriots are not just a team I luckily get to watch win nearly every week in the fall. When I first moved from New York to Florida, I felt completely out of place, like I had lost touch with my home. Falling in love with the Patriots reconnected me with my family and with my love of the North. When I’m watching a game, I’m not just watching with my parents, I’m watching with my aunts and uncles up in Vermont and Massachusetts, who, like me, grew up loving this team even when it hurts. My love of football and of the Patriots has nothing to do with the fact that they’re one of the best teams in the NFL, though it certainly helps. For me, ain’t nothing but a family thing.

From September to February, my mind is on football pretty much 24/7, so it’s incredibly frustrating and demeaning when, in conversations with men who love football, my genuine enjoyment of the sport is called into question. When talking with female fans of any sport, never challenge their knowledge, their enthusiasm, or their authenticity in ways in which you wouldn’t challenge a man’s. Across the board, women comprise about 45 percent of the NFL’s fan base (as of 2015), so we are not the fringe element anymore.

We are here, we are passionate, and we know just as much about the sport as you do. Treat women with the respect they deserve in every sphere, including and especially that of sports.