The hard reality of growing up without a father

Thousands of men neglect their children every year. Some do it for career purposes, some do it because they feel they cannot handle being a father and some do it because they have no attachment to the mother. Regardless of the reason, it is wrong and has been a major problem in the United States for many years.

As a result of this poor decision, many children grow up feeling denied, disregarded and unloved. The lasting effects of an absentee father can ruin a child’s life or make them stronger.

The hard truth

It’s sad to think that many will not be celebrating Father’s Day this Sunday. However, it will not be because their father is unable or deceased, but because their father chose not to play an active role in their lives. I am one of those daughters that has been deprived of the chance to be a daddy’s girl or be the apple of their father’s eye.

My story

Immediately after I was born, my dad rejected me. He claimed I was not his daughter, but eventually came to his senses and acknowledged that I was. The years following, he would appear and disappear, all the while giving me false hope that I would have a chance to develop a relationship with him.

In my case, my father says incredibly hateful things to me and pretends he is involved in my life to fool his family and friends. His lies allow him to be a “father” without actually being one.

Those missed moments

The moments that most daughters find to be annoying and embarrassing are moments that I always dreamt of experiencing. I always wanted to come downstairs, have my father look at me with angry eyes, and tell me to go back upstairs and change. I never went to a father-daughter dance, and I never got to cry on my dad’s shoulder whenever I had a broken heart.

Missing these moments made me feel abandoned and alone. No matter how hard my mom tried to play both roles, and no matter how helpful and present my grandparents and aunts were, I never felt whole. Their love is and has always been unconditional, but a girl needs her biological father.

How it affects us as teens

Growing up without can have a significant impact on a girl’s teenage years. Some of us handle it differently, but we are all affected by our father’s rejection. A lot of girls use their father’s treatment of them and their mothers to determine what they tolerate from boys and men later in life.

Some try to fill the void and suppress their feeling by turning to drugs, sex and taking up bad habits, and other girls never go down a negative path. However, everyone is likely to suffer from longterm mental and emotional distress.

How it affects us as young women

As I continue to develop and grow as a woman, I am still greatly affected by my father’s absence and lack of love. I have accepted things from boyfriends that I should not, and there is still a part of me that blames myself.

However, I am work in progress. I worry about who will walk me down the aisle and about my future children asking about him. I constantly think about what my life could have been like if I was raised in a two-parent household, or at least had an active father.

Moving forward

My dad’s absence has taught me never to be dependent on a man. It has pushed me to excel in a world where women are seen as second best. I was forced to find a sense of self-confidence and recognition that I do not think I would have had otherwise. I am very careful of who I date because I never want my children to have the same experiences that I did.

Although life has been hard and I have dealt with many issues as a result of my father’s absence, I feel that I am a stronger woman because of it. If my story can help another girl see the silver lining, I have done my job. We are strong, and we will be OK.

Our fathers missed out on amazing people, and they will regret their mistakes if they do not already.