Sons of the South: How fathers raise their boys with the expectation of masculinity

As we grow older, it is in our nature to parent. Everyone does it a little differently and each individual puts their own unique spin on parenting. Down south it is no different, but there is a special emphasis placed upon raising sons.

We are asked to do tasks our female counterparts are not, even when they sometimes want to do these things. We are expected to do great things, all while trying to seek approval and continued encouragement from our parents.

We are supposed to be manly men, and if we are anything but, we are called into question. Most questionably, we do all of these things without ever batting an eye.

Though we sometimes wish they asked our sisters to mow the lawn every now and then, we don’t question our parents’ authority. We know there is reasoning behind it and we appreciate the lessons they are trying to teach us. Through it all, we learn about responsibility, hard-work, determination and pride.

Yet, this is not enough. Isn’t it time to abandon stereotypical gender roles and teach our children what it means to be a good person instead of a good man or good woman? Is there not more to manhood than being strong, hard-working and prideful?

What about emotion? Sure, I can talk to you all day about yourself, but when it comes my time to share my emotions, I am tragically flawed. I can not tell you what I am feeling without being awkward, uncomfortable, or (the most tragic of them all) embarrassed. I was raised this way, as are most Southern men.

Being a “manly man” comes with the territory. Our fathers, and their fathers before them, were all raised to be strong men both mentally and physically. Emotions were seen as bad and to display them in front of others showed weakness.

Therefore, our fathers instilled these ideas into us as children, just like their fathers had done to them. It is not necessarily a bad thing to know when to display emotion and how much is too much when it comes to sharing feelings, but what is the consequence of this? Regularly feeling alone, helpless and “girly?” When did emotions become property of women?

The Southern father-son relationship is very intricate and overwhelming. We often try our hardest to do everything to our fathers’ standards, even though we know our actions will never be enough to make up for all they have done for us. Our fathers push us to the limit, knowing we will want to give up or, even worse, quit. They “did not raise no quitter.” Even though this is a double negative, it’s a quote used quite regularly.

I may have hated every second of football in the 7th grade, but did I quit? You best believe I didn’t. I stuck with it to the end…of the season. Who in their right mind would quit something they hated so much, yet tried so hard to understand what was so great about it? Not me. I was not going to show my father weakness, though it was his first hint that I was not exactly going to be an athlete. I was not going to give up on something that every Southern father hopes their son will love.

Through it all though, sons of the South know love. Both of our parents showed us immeasurable love, care and compassion all throughout our lives. They gave us everything they had and were sure to make us appreciate every little thing given to us.

We learned early that nothing comes free in life and that we should be grateful for every second. We were raised in church pews, fields and sports teams. We were raised to put our families first and take care of them to the best of our ability. We were raised to respect others and give everyone a chance instead of “judging a book by its cover.”

All because our parents made sure to show us that we were loved.