What it’s like growing up with a mom who’s cooler than you
She’s a real life Lorelai Gilmore
Stop what you’re doing – now, picture the “cool girl” in high school. The one with the flawless hair, stellar wardrobe and effortless charm. She was the Queen Bee – the girls wanted to be her and guys wanted to be with her.
Now imagine that “cool girl” is your mother. Growing up with a cool mom is an experience in living. She’s pretty close to perfect, and everyone adores her. And there are a few things you’ll only understand if your mom is one of them.
What’s that? My mom is cooler than I am? Believe me, I know.
First of all, she’s hot
Isn’t that the number one requirement of being a cool mom? She’s prettier than almost anyone you know, and she’s probably been mistaken for a celebrity in the grocery store more than once. As the daughter of a cool mom, you spend a lot of time wondering where those genes went and if there’s any chance you can get them back.
Hanging out with your guy friends around your mom is always a disaster. Yeah, I know my mom’s hot. No, you can’t text her that. Can you please stop making that motion with your hands? Lord have mercy.
Her closet is insane
Leather jackets. Diamond studs. Suede booties. You name it, she probably has it in six different colors. She looks good in everything, all the time.
You go to her to borrow clothes and you’re not ashamed. Of course, her closet is a disaster area, because she’s much too busy with more important things to organize it. And to be honest, she can be kind of a diva. She knows when she looks good and she’s certainly not afraid to say so.
Your friends like her better than you
Making plans with your friends is a logistical nightmare. Why? Because you have to match your schedule with your mom’s. Newsflash: when you have a cool mom, your friends don’t really want to hang out with you.
“Oh, I’d love to do something! Will your mom be there?” No, she won’t. But I’ll be there, so…
“Tell your mom I said ‘hello!'” Sure thing, hun.
“You wouldn’t get it – just an inside joke with your mom.” Yeah, well I have 22 years of inside jokes with her, thank you very much.
She has somehow been added to your housemates group text, and now you’re late to the conversation about contouring cheekbones and the best type of sugar for making peanut butter cookies. I guarantee she has a few group messages with your coworkers you don’t know about.
Her phone is always blowing up
Don’t you get it? She’s more popular than you. And whether she’s gossiping on speakerphone or texting at a swim meet, a cool mom is always on her phone.
She probably has more friends than you, so everyone wants to talk to her. I’ll see if she can pencil you in.
She does her best to keep up with pop culture
Sure, she recently learned the phrase “YAAASSSS” and now overuses it in every conversation. But the woman is trying for goodness sake, and that makes her cool.
She knows how to use emojis – the devil is her favorite – and she can sing more than one Missy Elliot song. And somehow, some way, her Facebook posts will always get 100+ likes almost instantly, while you’re over here texting your friends begging them to like your snarky comments.
Other moms are jealous
Here’s the thing. She’s a genuinely cool mom. And the other moms? They see that. And they don’t just want to be as cool as her, they want to be her.
Listen, your mom can’t help that she’s so popular. Or that her hair looks windblown every day.
When she gives you that look, stop speaking
You know the one. She only needs that one. And if you’re on the other end of it, that’s your cue to stop speaking.
You can eat what you want
In fact, she encourages a well-rounded, unhealthy diet of butter, carbs and chocolate. Cookie dough for breakfast? Yes, please. Why would you bake a cake if you can just eat the batter?
The woman has a serious sweet tooth, and I wouldn’t dare come between her and her brownie batter. One of the only times I got grounded was when I put the cake mix bowl in the sink without letting my mom lick the spoon. It was a tough day for both of us.
Sure, sometimes she can be a little inappropriate
Praying over a Reese’s display in front of a Christian tour group isn’t necessarily recommended. But hey, chocolate reigns supreme in her eyes.
You go to her for gossip
Her favorite phrase is: “I know something you don’t know.” And that has become your favorite phrase, too. Because you know you’re going to get some mighty fun facts out of her.
It’s almost like she attracts gossip. She’s the Queen Bee, and people trust her with all kinds of information. And for the most part, she keeps the secrets. But sometimes, the gossip is just too good not to share with (a few) others.
She knows how to talk about boys
A cool mom doesn’t just say she’s happy for you and move along – she wants to know the details. Where did you meet? Did he play any sports in high school? Do you two hold hands?
She’ll never embarrass you
Honestly, sometimes you’re worried about embarrassing her. Because your mom is and forever will be cooler than you. The only consolation? If she’s the Queen Bee, I guess that makes you a princess.