How much of a piss-take is your degree?

You’re wasting your life


University is an experience. You leave home, move to a new place and have to fend for yourself out in the big, bad world.

But in an age of increasing fees and waning job prospects, is it worth studying any old degree just for the sake of going to university?

We’re all for education for educations sake but, if you’ve been to university for any length of time, you know that there are a few courses out there that possess the intellectual rigour and academic challenges that only a recently lobotomised chimpanzee would struggle to handle.

So, without further ado, here are the candidates:

Broadcast journalism

Average graduate salary: £16.2k

Student score*: 68%

Spirit animal: Prairie dog

You could be forgiven for assuming that broadcast journalism was just 3 years worth of learning how to write a stuffy article for The Gryphon that no one will ever read, but – according to the Uni of Leeds’ website – it is a “challenging programme which investigates the multimedia world of news production”.

Made up of modules that cover just about every form of media from cave paintings onwards, the course seeks to equip the next generation of Natasha Kaplinsky’s and Krishnan Guru-Murthy’s with the skills required to disseminate news to the masses – while simultaneously becoming the weird sex crush of millions.

An anonymous student who studies Broadcast Journalism says: “Some of what we do on my course is useful – like when we learn about media law and things.

“But sometimes we have lectures that are just ridiculous, like playing who wants to be a millionaire”

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At £16k a year, might be a while before that first million

 

History of Art

Average graduate salary: £18.2k

Student score: 86%

Spirit animal: Peacock

Neither history nor art, History of Art is the academic equivalent of sitting on the fence. A fence made of unemployment.

Having studied the course description at length, I can honestly say I’m none the wiser as to what exactly I would learn if I was on the course.

The course “invites you to make critical interpretations of art drawn from a range of approaches including aesthetic theory, anthropology, Marxism, critical theory and psychoanalysis as well as formal art historical analysis”.

So, you look at old paintings. That much is clear.

In a quest to better understand the elusive content of this course, we asked Poppy Cory-Wright to enlighten us. When asked how piss-easy her course was, she had this to say:

“It’s deeply theoretical, conceptual and complex and an important way of looking at the history of our world. But it can’t be disputed that the majority of its students are upper-middle class girls.

“Whatever. But it is not piss easy and anyone who thinks it is, is an ignorant moron.”

mook

The Tab Leeds – proud morons since October 2012

History of Art has a lot of freedom for creativity… with only eight contact hours a week.

Poppy adds: “I’m a big fan of my subject, but I guess you could say Leeds isn’t exactly a nucleus of culture. As a Londoner the number of galleries/exhibitions is much richer at home.

“There are definitely some priviliged-yet-edgy-as-fuck people that grind my gears a little. But you gotta love ’em.”

Geography

Average graduate salary: £19.7k

Student score: 77%

Spirit animal: Mole

Branded by many as the “colouring in” degree, Geography is actually a science subject. So there.

To get an idea of exactly what this course consists of, we spoke to Geography student Alex Segall. We asked Alex about the pros and cons of studying geography.

“Pros: Field trips used as an excuse to basically get drunk. Cons: Too much maths which we did not sign up for and too many Northerners. Also no colouring in is a big complaint at the student staff forums.”

Drinking and Northerners aside, we were still curious as to what exactly the life of a geography student is like.

Alex says: “I think we have about 15 hours per week as we have three hour soil lab practicals on a Friday morning which is gross. It’s basically analysing soil samples by placing them in acid and setting the soil on fire to measure organic material.”

Entrance requirements are AAB at A-level – and an strong interest in pyromania, apparently.

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Burning soil to ward off frostbite

Primary education

Average graduate salary: £24k

Student score: 72%

Spirit animal: Monkey

Children are the future. I’ll give you that. But they’re also pretty stupid. Do you really need to do a three year degree to explain the times tables to a five year old?

Described on Beckett’s site as an opportunity to “work creatively with children” and possessing modules with titles like “An introduction to the Arts in the context of primary teaching”; it just sounds like you’ll be paying £9000 a year to learn how to finger paint correctly.

However, say what you will about the apparent lack of intellectual stimulation, it does come out as the best paid of the piss-easiest degrees. What I’m saying is, pass me a paint brush.

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All you need for a 2:1 in Primary education

So, there you have it. If you’ve got £9,000 burning a hole in your pocket and you don’t fancy doing something more useful with it – like literally burning it – then look no further than one of the above degrees.

All provide truly fantastic ways to successfully avoid employment for at least three years whilst giving mumsy and daddy something to brag about at the neighbour’s dinner party.

What do you think? Think we’ve missed a few candidates or feel like your degree has been unfairly scorned? Give us a piece of your mind in the comments below.

*Student scores from Which? student satisfaction ratings