Here are eight things all Lancs students should be manifesting in 2021

In the words of Ari ‘I get everything I want ’cause I attract it’

The uncertainty of being a student in 2021 has forced many of us to do unusual, unconventional and perhaps even unjustifiable things to maintain a mediocre academic record and a fragile sense of stability. As the winter days (and our tempers) seem to grow shorter by the second, it often feels like we are left with little choice but to beg the universe for a brief moment of tranquillity amongst a neverending stream of chaos.

But stress no more, good people. If you’re going to take up any new hobbies this year, make sure one of them is manifestation. If you’ve ever found yourself staring at the blank word document in front of you whilst simultaneously daydreaming about how carefree your life will magically become once you graduate, then you’re already halfway there!

Lancaster students had it particularly rough last year and deserve a little extra help, here are the eight manifestations they should use to ask the universe for some compensation.

For a no-detriment policy

Many “Law of Attraction” gurus claim that manifestations have the ability to reach a higher level as they become more specific and unique to each person. In particular, Lancs should imagine their desire is already fulfilled; the no-detriment policy has already been agreed upon and exists very much in the present. This might seem confusing, but you’re basically writing a diary entry as if you live in the future. For example:

Lancaster University has implemented a “no detriment” policy. Students are rejoicing! My skin is clear, and the birds are singing. The weight I was carrying has been lifted, and there is a spring in my step once again.

For the ducks to stay away from my Greggs crumbs

There are very few guiltless pleasures left in a student’s life, but Greggs is undoubtedly one of them. The harsh reality of having to wolf down a Greggs on the go instead of sitting down with friends to enjoy a Spoons’ lasagne is a startling concept to come to terms with. Whilst, understandably, ducks are somewhat incapable of wearing masks, due to the lack of external ears and protruding beaks, they should still be making a valiant attempt to keep two metres away.

I have just passed the ducks on the spine, they were happy, healthy and most importantly, uninterested in a vegan sausage roll. I wished them well on their journey through life and continued towards the library.

For rents to be reduced

Although it can be said that by staying at home throughout the third lockdown has worked well for securing three free meals a day (courtesy of the bank of mum and dad) this doesn’t mean that paying for inaccessible accommodation feels any different to being stabbed through the heart with a blunt stick.

My rent this term was just reduced by 60-70 per cent, just like last year. I can now save this money or spend it online shopping. Both of these options would be good investments in my future wellbeing.

For Sultans to give out free curly fries

It would be unfair to act like Sultans don’t already do enough for us all, but it is equally true that there is always room for improvement. A chicken burger at the end of a long day of lectures can feel like a gift from God, but maybe, with enough commitment, we could push the universe even more in our favour?

I didn’t have to pay for my curly fries at Sultans. I never pay because the universe recognises that I have attracted them because of my positive energy. Our bond is growing stronger with each passing day. I thank the Universe for bringing us together.

For a Lancrush to be written about them

We all need a serotonin boost from time to time. With our human contact opportunities becoming less and less frequent, many of us are left feeling like deep, vacuous pits in desperate need of validation. Obviously, this is only a temporary fix. True emotional satisfaction can only be achieved after many hours of soulsearching and self-realisation, but this is a time-consuming process, unlike writing a Lancrush…

I opened Facebook this morning to find 17 Lancrushes written about me. Actually, there were no other initials to be seen, and all of the descriptions seemed to match me perfectly. I’ve been asked to delete my Facebook as my online presence is causing the site to crash.

For the 1A to arrive faster

This needs no explanation. It feels as though my mental mantra at Common Garden Street is a manifestation in all but name, all there is left to do is write it down.

The 1A arrived so quickly this morning, I blinked and there it was. All the 100 busses in the area seem to turn to 1As when I’m near them.

For more contact hours

A year ago, most students were likely manifesting the opposite, wishing for one less 9am as they stumbled, hungover towards the Faraday building. Now even the possibility of sitting in a lecture halls feels like a foreign concept. It’s hard to even remember your way around campus in 2021.

My timetable is packed, and I regularly spend multiple days a week on campus from nine to five. I have to swerve around people on the spine because it is so overwhelming (and I love it).

For an ounce of motivation

This one might feel a bit longer and more desperate than the others, make sure you leave plenty of pages in your notebook for this one. It might even be worth buying a few extra notebooks to be sure. Unfortunately, this might become a manifestation you use consistently throughout your life.

I am brimming with energy and light. I put full effort into everything I do and float through my problems with ease. I rarely find myself in a slump, and that word is no longer part of my vocabulary.

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