Here’s a how-to guide on surviving and thriving in Pollock
You’ll actually miss the joys of the JMCC in second year
It’s that time of year again. We’re only a month into uni and already the Pollock freshers are becoming more recognisable by the day. Whilst this year’s freshers might be missing out on a traditional Monday night Juju’s or an embarrassing appearance on Pollock TV, some things certainly never change. Flares, mullets and signet rings are slowly taking over Edinburgh’s streets in their masses once again.
They might be the brunt of all our jokes, but a lot of us have lived and breathed the life of a Pollock fresher.
So, how does a Pollock fresher survive? And what do you need to know?
1. Try to pair flares with almost every outfit
You’ve probably come to uni preaching that you’re “not like other girls” and won’t become the stereotypical Pollock girl who lives in flares or flared jeans 24/7. In reality, whilst some succeed on this venture, for most it’s really only a matter of time. A few months into uni and flares will inevitably become an essential part of your outfit on a night out.
Honestly, it’s better to just embrace the judgement of non-pollock inhabitants and rock your flares to your heart’s content. Oh, and also get ready to purchase a north face puffer on Depop in two months.
2. Consider growing a mullet
Coronavirus aside, Pollock Halls is the breeding ground of another raging pandemic: the mullet. Girls, a mullet is an Edi boy’s pride and joy, a lifestyle choice and definitely not a phase unfortunately. It’s an absolute staple to his tinder profile. While you might find yourself initially repulsed, give it a couple months & you’ll secretly find yourself scowering the mullets of Edi Instagram page at 2am.
Mullets aren’t gender exclusive either, so if you’re not initially attracted to a male mullet that might just be a sign you’re headed towards getting a femme mullet yourself.
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Thank you all for 6K, and while we still don’t truly understand why this pisstake of an account gets the love that it does, we appreciate all the support and the mullet obsessed community that has blossomed in edinburgh. Hope you enjoy these consistently pretentious mus that we’ve all grown to love and adore
3. Prepare for everyone to know everyone
Pollock is London up North, everyone is connected in some distant way. Fellow Londoners, welcome to your new home away from home. If you haven’t discovered this already, your cousin’s best friend is most likely your new neighbour and you both got with the same guy at a house party in year 11.
If you use the word ‘tea’ instead of ‘dinner’, haven’t got a second home in Surrey or god forbid you are actually Scottish then you’re probably questioning your place here.
Londoners, be warned though, while you might feel comfortable embracing the ‘yah’ private school vibes in Pollock, you might want to tone it down a bit if you’re venturing ten minutes down the road to Brae.
4. Prep for the food, but dream of the hot chocolate
Let’s not sugar-coat it, dinner in the JMCC can be something out of a horror movie. The uncooked chicken, sticky pasta and soggy rice pudding is enough to make anyone want to drop out, or at least purchase your third Deliveroo of the week.
However, the JMCC breakfasts are somewhat redeemable. Put your pride aside and go up and get that second portion of hash browns. If nothing else, utilising the refillable hot chocolate is a must. I promise you’ll never taste anything quite like it again.
5. Be warned of the smokers
We can all be a bit dramatic when it comes to smokers but let’s be honest, come the end of first year I’d be surprised if the mass group of heavy smokers outside the JMCC (even in the peak of snow), haven’t given you at least the odd puff of second-hand smoke.
6. Don’t, under any circumstances, shag anyone in your house
It’s something we’ve all had to learn the hard way, but honestly the illusion that your paths will never cross again is nothing but a LIE. Pollock is a small place and you’ll inevitably see them again. Most likely at 7:30am in the JMCC when you look and feel like death.
7. There’s a serious Pollock hierarchy
It’s no secret that those in Chancellors are paying the price of a small mortgage for the luxury of an en-suite bathroom, pantry the size of a second home and a lift that actually works (or at least doesn’t have the grim remains of a Gari’s special in it).
If you’re a pollock newcomer unlucky enough to be sharing a bathroom with ten other people that were clearly never taught the importance of personal hygiene, don’t let anyone label you a ‘yah’ without putting up a fight first.
Oh, and chunning in your sink is never a good idea.
Photography credits: Neil Stewart