Flat parties are much better than going out

We all know flat parties are better than going all the way to a smelly club to pay through the nose for a shite DJ, so why do we still go to clubs? It’s time to celebrate the house party for what it is – carnage with your best mates, without all the annoying bits.

The most obvious advantage is the saving of your precious student loan that you would be wasting on entrance and over priced drinks. Now, all you really need is your £3 Lidl wine, your breathtaking personality, your gang of top m8s and you’re ready to go. Too deep into your overdraft to manage the £3? Not to worry, I’m sure your good pal Joe can spare you a can or two.

Since everyone that’s anyone lives in Marchmont or Newington , it’s unlikely that you’ll have more than a five minute walk to get there – again avoiding inflated taxi prices and enabling you to buy as many chicken nuggets as you can possibly consume before passing out on your kitchen floor. What’s more, you can wear as many layers as you please without facing the extortionate cloakroom prices.

So you’ve arrived at the party, and what’s this?

You don’t have to wait outside for half an hour in the freezing cold with the risk of not being allowed in!

The most important thing at a party, is that you’re comfortable. That means wearing anything you fancy without being judged by irrelevant people you will never see again. Don’t forget about themed parties, where it’s totally cool to dress as a dickhead and everyone will love you for it.

Undoubtedly, the best thing about parties is the fact that once you’re in, you don’t need to leave. The first couple of hours are the prime time to actually have real conversations with your friends and introduce yourself to any potential targets for the night. This is much better compared to repeatedly screaming over the music to ask your friend if they need to wee. Once the civilized, socializing part of the night it is completed, now it’s time for everyone to lower their inhibitions and get a bit loose.

House parties are the only place that requesting music isn’t committing social suicide. Everyone has that friend who has decks and is rearing for the chance to impress others with their edgy new hobby. Don’t be intimidated though, it’s 100% acceptable to request Sandstorm by Darude at every opportunity.

Another benefit of being in your friends’ flat is, generally, there aren’t any rules (within reason). If you’re a smoker and lucky enough to have a sound mate, you can smoke, bev and boogie all at the same time, without even going outside. Now that’s what I call convenience.

Do you know what else you can’t do in clubs? Four nos balloons – in a row. If that doesn’t change your opinion, fuck knows what will. Also, fancy a big night? You can drink as much as you fancy with no fears of being fireman lifted out by an angry man.

Now its 3am, and unbelievably, the music is STILL going. Incredible. This is the point of the night where you can expect to be sitting next to your newly found best friends discussing the meaning of life while swigging the dregs of your bottle. Two hours later, 5am and you’re still there, the banter is still flowing. No matter what state you are in at this point, it’s still absolutely acceptable. If you can’t get home, you can always crash on the couch and try again tomorrow. That is the sign of a good night, right?