Hold on tight spider-monkey! An unconditional, irrevocable ranking of the Twilight movies

Early sunsets and foggy mornings mean Twilight season is among us, and it might just be the only thing to get me through the winter. Twilight combines real myths and legends with super sexy fictional vampires and werewolves – I’m not sure what else you could ask for in a film series. That being said, here’s a ranking of all the Twilight movies from best to worst, even though they’re all perfect 10s in my eyes.

5. New Moon

via Disney+

As a former Jacob girly, it actually hurts me to put New Moon at the bottom of the ranking. However, the reality is, it’s just one of those filler movies that takes a break from the real plot to unlock some side lore. Seeing Jacob become a werewolf for the first time and hearing the stories from Billy Black is so cool and easily could have been its own movie if it had been explored properly. Unfortunately, it was just used as something to care about while Edward was gone.

I LOVED learning about the werewolf lore, but it’s so painfully obvious it’s just in there to mix up the heavy-going vampire stuff. Without this miscommunication trope, Twilight would be over and done with in one film. Edward needed to have his stroppy exit to learn that he actually couldn’t live without Bella and it’s absolutely essential they stay together.

On the other hand, New Moon should win awards for the scene where Bella stares out of the window as the months fly by and possibility plays in the background. What a main character moment.

4. Breaking Dawn Part One

via Disney+

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Breaking Dawn Part One is actually pretty eventful, with the wedding, the honeymoon and the conception of monster baby Renesmée Cullen. The wedding is gorgeous and the change from their loved-up life into imminent disaster is perfection. In a ranking of the aesthetics of the Twilight movies, it would definitely come first.

The undeniable best part of this film is when Rosalie tells her backstory. I need SERIOUS WORDS with Stephanie Meyer because Rosalie’s human life could have been the most amazing thriller movie of all time. Rosalie, a gorgeous gentlewoman of the town gets attacked and left to die by her disgusting husband and his friends, and then kills them off one by one in her wedding dress. Imagine the Jennifer’s Body-esque vibes it could have had… we were robbed. Robbed!

3. Eclipse

via Disney+

To be honest, Eclipse is one of the most underrated Twilight films in the series. I always forget what happens until I watch it again, but the amazing fast-paced story of Riley Biers and Victoria completely overrides the tedious romance of Edward and Bella, who are freshly reunited after time apart and pretending like nothing happened. We also get to see Bella punch Jacob and then break her hand. A classic.

What really irks me about this film is that it ends in the same way as New Moon. Edward and Bella are both sitting in their meadow and he asks her to marry him. It was genuinely the same ending for each film, so it poses the question of why we even needed to watch Eclipse in the first place.

2. Breaking Dawn Part Two

via Disney+

This movie is amazing on so many levels. Vampire Bella is alive and thriving, the CGI baby is the best meme to ever exist, and the final battle had jaws dropping in every cinema across the country for weeks.

The Volturi lore is SO interesting and I could watch a film series all about their lives, especially Jane who is by far the most interesting character in the entire series. Learning about the ancient vampire babies, meeting all the other vampires from across the world and hearing Bella say “you nicknamed my daughter after the Loch Ness monster” could heal me from any ailment. Also, are we going to forget about the infamous end credits that last as long as the film while A Thousand Years plays? They make me tear up every time.

1. Twilight

via Disney+

The vibes, the nostalgia. The hoa hoa hoa hoa hoaaaa. Of COURSE the original Twilight film takes number one in this thorough movies ranking. The most iconic quotes like “where the hell have you been loca” and “this is the skin of a killer Bella” come from the original film glazed over with a moody blue filter.

The soundtrack is just ICONIC with some unforgettable hits like Supermassive Black Hole, Flightless Bird/American Mouth and even Robert Pattinson himself singing Let Me Sign as he sucks all of Bella’s blood out of her. Vibes!

Even without the legendary moments, the movie itself is a perfect plot. People hate on Twilight for being a terrible film but it’s got action, mystery, supernatural elements and super hot characters all fitting into a two hour movie. Hate on the rest of the series all you want but the first movie is textbook perfection.

The baseball scene, Edward’s eyes changing colour, using Bing to search for a book on vampires, what else could you want out of a grungey teen romcom? It’s a masterpiece shot in 40 days. Long live Twilight!

The Twilight Saga is available on Netflix now. For all the latest Netflix news, drops, quizzes and memes like The Holy Church of Netflix on Facebook.