What boys want in bed (by boys)
We asked girls to dispel the myths and mysteries about how to make them come. The same myth doesn’t apply to boys, everyone is kind of aware that they’ll come whether someone else is there or not. The myth is more what they actually like, what they don’t like, and why they won’t tell anyone. We asked boys to explain in the most technical terms what they want in bed. This is what they said:
On a day to day basis an orgasm is all I’m after. Whether it comes in the form of a welcome guest to my morning shower or a lonely wank at 1am as I cry about how damaging my first time was, they’re just as good as each other. There are, however, occasional moments when you can make it better.
Start by sucking me off while I’m standing and get stuck into it. Don’t ever use your teeth. Start at the top and then deep throat me. Hard. I’m not asking you to retch, but a tear in your eye is nothing to be ashamed of (it is pretty big). Bend over in front of me and tell me to go down on you, push your hips back and grind against my face. Once you’ve come I want to get things started. You can stay bent over and from there on I want to take control. It’s worth mentioning at this point that you don’t necessarily have to be naked, keeping your underwear at times can be a big turn on.
Riding me is a good place to go next. It means we can talk dirty and my hands can roam around. When and how I come doesn’t really matter, but inside is generally best. As I said, though, most of the time you won’t be able to make a difference.
There’s got to be an element of spontaneity. No one likes boring prescribed sex just because Downton has finished and you want to get to sleep asap. If you’re horny, let me know. I don’t care if we’re in the cinema, on a train, in a lecture or at your grandparents. Like pretty much every boy, I will be too. That illicit excitement makes me feel alive.
But take things slow. You wouldn’t like me jabbing at your clit straight away trying to make you cum, and I don’t want to be tossed off like you’re trying to pull Excalibur out of the stone. Start with the kissing, then slowly ease down my chest and stomach until you reach my cock. Once there, it’s all about how wet you can get it: licks, kisses and spit are great if the mood suits. Don’t neglect the balls either. There’s nothing hotter than watch a girl look you in the eye as she works her way up from your balls to the tip while looking directly at you. Think how great it feels when you’re super wet. It’s the same for us. Just keep those teeth sheathed.
When the time comes, don’t be afraid to take control. I don’t expect you to go full Asa Akira on me, but if you’re forward and open and dominant it’s going to drive me wild. Climb on top, dirty talk, bring out your toys – I don’t care as long as it comes naturally. After a while let me take control. If you want it harder tell me. If you like me pulling your hair let me know. Like your sex ed teacher said: it’s all about communication.
I’ll do my very best to ensure you come first. But if I don’t, I’m sorry. It makes me feel a little bit inadequate when it doesn’t happen, so talk to me. Let me know what to do with my fingers and mouth and I’ll give it another shot. Just don’t lie there in silence.
When it’s all over silence is golden. That warm post-sex glow when our limbs are entwined and time stands still is the best sensation I’ve experienced. Let your mind rest with mine – until we go again in 15 minutes.
Being spontaneous is one of the best ways to kick things off. The best sex isn’t planned, so it’s always more exciting out of the blue on a lazy Sunday morning than it is at 2am when we’ve just got back from Revs. If you instigate it, it shows us your wild side and gives us the sort of excitement we used to get on Christmas morning.
Most of the time I’m just happy that sex is happening, so I’m not hugely picky. However, there are a few things that can completely ruin it. A blowjob, for example, is literally the best thing in the world – but even the slightest bit of toothiness can turn it from feeling like being wanked off by a cloud to having your dick stuffed in a blender. Seriously, it’s very sensitive down there, so handle with care. Kick it off by kissing my neck and then slowly downwards. When you reach down there, make some eye contact – It’ll drive me wild.
When it gets down to the main event, don’t be afraid to take control – there’s nothing more attractive than a girl jumping on top and taking you for a ride. The louder you are the more we’ll tend to like it, and it’ll loosen both of us up and make us enjoy it more. Most of us require a lot of validation, so make it vocal. If you’re quiet, I’ll just be worried you’ve fallen asleep.
There are certain things that can make us feel awkward. Asking us to talk dirty, for example, or asking us to spank you. It’s not like it’s not a huge turn-on, it’s just that we have no idea how to do it properly. There’s nothing that kills a boner faster than the gut-wrenching ignorance about how hard a good spank is meant to be. Blame porn for this, but every guy wants to finish on your face, or your chest, or in your mouth. If he says he doesn’t, he’s lying – it’s not something we expect, obviously, but if you let us it’s a very nice surprise.
Also you might not expect it, but we like a cuddle afterwards as much as you. That post-sex moment of lying there, panting, with your head on our chest is one of the most satisfying feelings ever.
Guys come a lot. I don’t think that’s going to shock anyone. So to make us come well, all you have to do is raise the bar and make the experience more memorable than a high-speed internet connection and an unwashed sock. How can you do this? Keep us ready while we get you ready. Use your hands, your mouth, not just on the penis but everywhere. Actually, scratch that: circling my arse with an extended digit is just too big a distraction, I don’t care how small your fingers are. When the time arrives to shift from foreplay to sex, start with an entry-level position which allows me to ease in and slowly build a rhythm. When it comes time to change a position, communication should be non-verbal. Any time you have to explain what one of you wants to try, you risk killing the mood. If it can’t be figured out by context, we probably shouldn’t be trying it. If by the end we’re not so tangled up we forgot how we got that way then we’ve not done it right.
The best times to have sex are spontaneously in the afternoon or after a night out when we’ve both stumbled back. Both sides of foreplay are fun, going down on a girl and then them going down on me is a great start. Don’t be too rough and definitely don’t bite. Eye contact during a blowjob is essential.
Pillow talk all the way through is a huge bonus. Describing what you want to do next, how you feel about whatever I’m doing, shouting, swearing and moaning will all get me going. Keep the conversation intense and focused on sex, though.
Rough sex will always have a place. Mutual light hair pulling, grabbing and pinning each other down can be perfect when the vibe is right. I usually draw the line at scratching. I get bored if we stay in one position for too long. I want to be ridden but I do prefer being more dominant. On a bed, off a table or counter or against the wall. Sex in public is something I’ve tried but wouldn’t be too bothered about doing again.
If you read our recent feature on “how to make girls come, by girls”, you will have noticed how it essentially took the form of a recipe. “Finger me while you’re going down, grate my clit liberally, add a light dash of nipple-biting.” It’s a list of ingredients and the order you bung them in. The thing to remember about boys coming is that if you weren’t there, they’d probably be doing it anyway. Furiously masturbating is their resting state.
Getting a guy to enjoy sex with you is as simple as NOT doing things which will put them off. Don’t grip my cock too hard or too lightly. Don’t do what Fit Alice from my sixth form did and use an erect cock as a lever to pull yourself back up after giving head. Don’t use teeth in head. DO NOT put a finger anywhere near my arse – this is shagging, not Scout camp – and don’t call me a hypocrite when I stick one in yours, (yours is wet thanks to your pussy, mine is not).
Another thing worth mentioning is just how fatal doing something sexually weird early on can be for any prospective relationship you’ve dreamed up in your head. If you’re gutted because I won’t text you back you should have thought about that before you bit me or put a finger in my arse. Yes, I am talking about it to my whole sports social. Yes, you are the laughing stock of my lads’ WhatsApp group.
There’s a good mantra an American girl on my gap yah had: “tongue is king”. Everything she did involved her tongue, and I loved it. I didn’t want a little peck on the lips, she gave me her tongue. I didn’t want her trying to give me a handy, she gave me her mouth and tongue. I didn’t want her massaging my feet, she sucked my toes. I didn’t want her fingers anywhere near my arsehole, you can see where this is going.
I like having sex in public places or places where it would be easy for someone to walk in on us. When I think of the best blowjobs I’ve ever received it doesn’t really have anything to do with the technique or the girl giving it (sorry).
It’s all about location. Location, location, location. Give me head in the cinema, in the back of a taxi, at the bus stop. There’s something about quietly, illicitly shagging on the top deck of a night bus while there are people sitting a few feet below which does it for me in a way that the usual buffet of foreplay, missionary, cowgirl, reverse, doggy, spooning just doesn’t.
Likewise on the sofa at your parents house when they could walk in at any moment – yes. I find sex quite boring so I need an injection of risk – some kind of situational weirdness usually – for it to be worth all the effort, all the rituals and affectations that goes into making it happen. No handjobs or teeth please.
And if you let me come all over your face I’ll love you forever.
This isn’t just about a quick shag, I won’t remember that. We’ve had a few drinks, you’ve accepted my suggestion to carry this night on elsewhere. We get a bottle of wine, obviously you choose and try to pay but that doesn’t happen, and give me bedroom eyes when you thank me. It’s all in the build up. I’ll put a playlist on, not perfectly crafted for sex but enough, mostly R & B and that song 2 People, barely touching each other. I don’t want to be too drunk, just enough that we can fool around and still remember everything the next day. It should be a Thursday – the less sleep I have before I wake up for work the better.
It lasts for quite a while. It starts with you letting me take control. I’ll go down on you, but you won’t expect it or at least that’s what I want you to think. Just make sure you grab my hair when you come – if you don’t I’ll think I’m a failure.
This is complete sex, it’s fucking Hollywood, nothing half arsed so you repay the favour but not for too long. Using your nails on the inside of my hip, just above my groin and below my stomach when you go down on me. Don’t bother with a handjob, please. And glare at me every now and again when you’re doing it.
Then we’ll start having sex properly, you’ll be on top then I’ll sit up – and after a while we’re against the wall, on the chair, standing up, whatever we decide. Whatever you do don’t just lie there. If I want to be in control and pin you down I will, but fight me for it. Expect me to claw and pull your hair, and do the same don’t be selfish. Nothing kills me quicker than a half hearted hand grab, but don’t fake it. Be sincere. You can talk, a little, but don’t force it. And no cringe comments, you’ll only sound middle aged and that’s not what this is about.
It doesn’t matter how we finish, but ideally it’s together and I am definitely in control, regardless if you’re on top or not.
And for fuck’s sake, do not ask if I enjoyed it or try to make awkward small talk after. Just grab your glass of wine and catch your breath.
When we’re not together, and you’re feeling horny, don’t wait for me to work it out. Send me one second snapchats, naughty voicemails with just the hint of ambiguity. Tease me.
When we’re together, the most important thing is enthusiasm and willing to try anything and everything. Before it begins, I want to feel like a girl needs my touch, like she’s craving it on a deep, carnal level. I want her to be slightly coy, not giving everything away all at once. Clothes being slowly removed to reveal delicate lacy underwear helps to build the mood.
When it starts getting more heated, I want her to be taking some of the initiative, I don’t like undoing my own belt, but it feels great when she does. When we’re both naked, and kissing, she needs to give as good as she gets, returning little nibbles on the neck and whispers in the ear. Taking the power away from me, mixing it up, resisting then relenting all add to the excitement. I love it when a girl goes on top, either sitting on my face, taking control of her pleasure. She’s vocal, telling me what works and what I should do more of. When I’m going down, tell me how close you are, motivate me to finish what I’ve started, pull my hair, push my face closer into you.
When you’re going down on me, don’t just go for it, go slowly, deftly flicking your tongue downwards until I can’t take it any more. Swallow as much of my cock as you can take, but don’t just hold it there, take it out of your mouth circling the tip and running your tongue down the side of my shaft.
I appreciate being touched all over just as much as you do. Don’t neglect any part of me, just like I wouldn’t do to you. Cup my balls (carefully), grab my bum, run your hands up and down my back, run your fingers through my hair. Be the one to ask me to treat you dirty, to spank you, to throw you around a bit, pulling your hair. I want to know how much you’re enjoying it, show me in back scratches and breathy moans exactly how I’m making you feel. Dirty talk should be the sort of thing you wouldn’t even text, your filthiest, darkest fantasies. Be completely honest with me, confess your deepest desires and I can try to make them come true.
Feature image: swingers, Newcastle