Piss, puke and pigs: What do you regret most about your time at uni?

We spoke to some of London’s wildest characters about the things they wish they hadn’t done

Too much sex? Too many drugs?  Too much rock n’ roll?

You’re supposed to have the best time of your life at uni but just try and tell that to these miserable bastards.

We took on London’s elite to ask them what they regretted most about their university days. But after they ignored us we asked some others. Here’s what they had to say.


Louis told us he received a £200 fine for chucking a chunder engulfed mattress down a spiral staircase in Paris. #Nutter

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George Orwell once said “that a man has the face he deserves by the time he’s 50”. Keeping this in mind, we asked Winston where all the bodies were buried.

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Rex took time out of his 12 year gap year to tell us that his biggest regret was never going to uni.

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Iwona told us uni made her feet hurt…we can only guess why.

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Leo’s mate has bladder troubles, and you know when you spend your uni years cleaning up piss, urine trouble.

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Sandy made the amateur mistake of copping off with her flatmate. And then the even bigger mistake of actually going out with him.

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The police

The 5-0 claimed their biggest regret was not having enough time to stop and speak to us.

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Geraldine studied in America. America is expensive.

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Willow’s answer was breathtakingly original.

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Spencer reminded us a lot of the guy who goes around killing people in A Clockwork Orange.

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Nigella told us she was feeling a little ‘spaced out’. Must have been something in the tea…

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Name withheld for legal reasons

This guy only ever did one exam on his life. He claims to have GCSEs, A-Levels and a first class honours degree in his CV.

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Siobhan regrets not wrapping herself in bacon and getting shitfaced with some lacrosse players.

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Bruno regrets the amount he ‘goofed off’. To this day maintains a healthy interest in goofing.

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Alex had some sound advice and a natty hat.

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Carly was a bit of a troublemaker.

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Dan still found a job though.

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Steve put the “p”, “a”, “r”, “t” and “y” in the word “party” during his time at university.

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William is a big fucking wuss.

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Liam won’t be having sex in the communal kitchen again any time soon.

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Noel regretted “not taking a sabbatical”. Interesting stuff there Noel.

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Paddy vacillated more than Hamlet.

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Michelle is now following her dream… of making costumes.

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 Names have been changed.