Are there actually ANY women on The Student Room?

The Student Room: an online chat room with over 1.2 million members, a place where we students can talk to each other about ‘anything’ and connect with other students across the country, from GCSE level to those graduating.

Amongst the forums filled with exam panic, articles helping people plan their ‘gap yahs’ and bank of personal statements helpfully available to plagiarise for generations to come, the website also has a polls section – arguably the very lifeblood of student democracy today.

Yes, there are apparently people who have nothing better to do with their lives then answer pointless questions about which flavour yogurt they prefer or whether Boris Johnson could do with a haircut or not.

However, hidden amongst these banal questionnaires are polls which make the feminist within me shudder just a little.

It seems the type of people who sit in their darkened rooms desperately seeking human interaction seem to have failed to read any feminist literature. Or ever actually speak to a woman. Or speak to any real human being for that matter.

Here are some of my favourite examples (click the pictures to enlarge)

1. Which celeb is prettiest?

A pretty standard featured daily in the likes of Cosmo and OK magazine, grading women on nothing more than their looks (and OK, some of them are models, but still.)

The worrying thing with this poll is the comments below.

I’m not sure which is more disturbing, the blatant objectification of women, the fact that they think Mila Kunis is unattractive, or the lack of capital letters.

A classic Student Room response from someone who clearly doesn’t get out much. And is most likely a virgin. Here we can clearly see how an attempt at chivalry rapidly descends into sexual harassment.

2. Which female body type is best?

This poll has helpfully provided illustrations to aid the website in its spreading of sexism.

And what better way is there to sexualise women then providing us with photos which don’t even show their faces?

However, in an effort to make this less pornographic and more scientific, it instructs us not to look at the women’s boobs, but at their fat. Like choosing a pig at a market.

An interesting insight into the mind of this male: though I don’t find you at all attractive, you can still have a shag.

This guy here is even more generous than the commenter above. Even-though it would pain him to do so, he’d still have sex with most of those women. Though he would resent them the whole way through, it’s a sacrifice he’s willing to make. Oh how lucky you are ladies.

It is a truth universally acknowledge that women with good figures cannot have achieved it through diet and exercise; it can only be surgery. This guy also provides us with a helpful biology lesson, in case anyone was confused what boobs were.

3. Blonde, brunette or red-head?

Again, another question which focuses solely on women’s appearance.

The personality, intelligence and sense of humour of these participants’ partners are clearly nothing when compared to the value of hair pigmentation.

Some tip top science in action here, which clearly doesn’t generalize women at all. It’s OK though, because this guy will marry a red-head he finds attractive without getting to know her at all. A lovely demonstration of a 21st century equal partnership.

What a lovely sentiment. Stacey Dooley really is one lucky lady.

As above. Though with more evidence of what delightful antics can go on behind a computer screen. And worse grammar.

4. Does the patriarchy keep oppressing women?

Here The Student Room bravely faces the issue of sexism head on by asking if anyone feels they have been oppressed by the patriarchy. Sadly, far from the feminist uprising which could have arisen from this question, the site reveals the misogynistic views typically of those who spend their time hiding behind a computer screen all day, rather than actually interacting with anyone of the female sex.

Clearly someone had a bad experience with a woman on that one fateful day they actually left the house. Of course he’s absolutely right, it was a struggle for me to take a break from my massage to type this article – all the while risking my freshly manicured nails. But it’s OK, because I got one of my man slaves to do it for me.

You’ve cracked it Mr Conspiracy Theorist, the patriarchy is just a huge lie created to ensure that those millions of cases of women attacking men go unpunished, you should probably right to the government to alert them of your findings immediately.

What are those silly old feminists making all the fuss about when the patriarchy has eradicated rape, sexual harassment and domestic violence by sacrificing and oppressing men?