12 things you should have known before uni

Whether you’ve graduated or just finished your first year, here are ten things you should have known…

clubbing Fresher loan relationship Student

You know how annoying it is when people give you great advice when it’s too late? Well, The Tab’s here to do just that.

Uni is that once in a lifetime experience, but here are all the things you wish you’d known and done before you entered The Bubble.

1. Take a gap year

That year out you promised yourself after uni really isn’t looking too likely when you’re nearing the end of your third overdraft. Plus, this is the UK’s driest July for 247 years. It’ll never be this sunny on these shores again…

2. Student loans last a week

For some reason we all seem to think the “your loan will be deposited into your account tomorrow” text means we’ve won the lottery. However, between buying rounds of drinks for strangers and food from Tesco’s ‘Finest’ range, it won’t be long before your account hits rock bottom again. 

3. First year really doesn’t count

Anyone who knows where the library is in their first year is doing it wrong. You should aim to scrape 40% and you should only begin to worry about doing this a week before your exams when you realise you’ve forgotten what course you do. 

"I swear I was doing History!"

“I swear I was doing History!”

4. Dirt becomes part of the furniture

Two weeks into your second year you’ll be horrified to realise how quickly kitchens get filthy, but between nights out and that one lecture you attend a week there really is no time to clean it… 

Student houses, they're the best!

Student houses, they’re the best!

5. Clothes shopping will become a distant memory

The high expectations you had of all the great things you could buy with your loan are quickly dashed when you realise fat frogs and quadvods are far more important. 

6. You’ll never procrastinate more

Exam time brings a level of insanity nobody can quite comprehend. You’ll find yourself stalking people on Facebook you didn’t even remember existed and you’ll become so obsessed with a new series you’ll start believing the characters are real people.

7. Don’t bother naming your cheese

Nobody cares who that sandwich belongs to when they crawl back into halls at 4am, and leaving an angry post-it note on the fridge isn’t going to stop them. 

8. Student prices just mean shit quality

Don’t get too excited by the fact your double vodka costs £2 and a beer is 90p, this just means that your “double” is half full and your drink is 60% water. 

9. The club claiming to be ‘number one for students’ really isn’t

Freshers’ week consists of being lured into shit venues because you’re scared of the promoters shouting “FREE SHOT” at you.

The only thing Krazyhouse manages is cringe.

More cringe than a Facebook comment from your mum

10. Everyone knows everyone

Nothing stays a secret, ever. People will probably know at least one person you’ve slept with before you even meet them. And that boy you really want to avoid from freshers’ week? Yeah… he’ll end up living next door.

11. Your relationship won’t last

Long distant relationships suck. There is the odd exception that manages to maintain a healthy relationship from afar, but chances are three months in you’re going to find yourself blind drunk and in the corner of the SU bar with a stranger.

12. You’ll do anything for a discount

If it’s on offer, it’s definitely a saving so you’ll buy it, along with items you don’t even like just because they’ve been reduced by 60p. And just for the record, a Tesco Meal Deal is NOT a good saving.

tesco

You’ve probably realised student life isn’t too dissimilar from being homeless and an alcoholic by now. But hey, it’s great.