Why order food at the counter when you can just jump into the kitchen?

As any student on a night out will know, should you fail to make a reservation at Hotel Back-Yourself, there is one safe haven before the weary journey home: McDonald’s.

Come 3am the masses descend to feast upon the finest cuisine Ronald has to offer. However, the unwanted delay in service caused by queues has led to the creation of a new sporting phenomenon known only as McDiving.

There has been much debate about the origin of McDiving. Some believe it dates back to ancient Chinese times while others insist it was conceived at the Unay of Leeds.

“Get out you prick”

What is clear are the rules:

1. The Dive itself is a key component of the sport, marks are awarded for technical ability, grace and spontaneity.

2. Bouncers are to be avoided at all costs, due to their size , low level of intellect and love of putting students in headlocks.

3. Staff are less of an obstruction than bouncers but an obstruction all the same. They are smaller in stature than bouncers but have strength in numbers. They’re easily startled and confused but strong when reacting as a herd.

4. Time is of the essence. Ideally your McDive should last no longer than 10-15 seconds. This gives you enough time to perform the manoeuvre and scurry back to safety with the rapturous applause of the masses ringing triumphantly in your ears.

Sometimes, not all goes to plan. The trick is to act confident. No dithering.