Tales From the Bar: Nightclub Photos

Our nightclub insider describes the types of people that are most likely to appear in nightclub photos

So you’re on the dancefloor and rather intoxicated. You’re boogying away and you see a flash go off right by you. Is it the paparazzi?! Has your much-warranted BNOC status finally caught up with you? Have your grinding and body popping skills finally gained the recognition they deserve?

No, no and a resounding no you drunken idiot. It is a Leeds Met photography student who has been roped into being a club night photographer, taking pictures of drunken messes and uploading them to Facebook.

I almost feel sorry for these photographers. At least behind the bar we hold some power over the customers. We can withhold their precious booze, but the photographers are just faced with swathes of people looking retarded. And as RDJ once said:

So I’m going to use my insider sober nightclub knowledge to interpret some of the best efforts from Tuesday night staple, Bigger Than Barry

Impromptu Lesbians

LesbiansThere is something about a lens being shoved into a pair of girl’s faces that switches on their lesbian tendencies. I’m sure the photographer isn’t complaining though. What I’d like to see is for a camera to be pointed at two butch blokes and for them to start necking passionately. Would that photo make it onto the Facebook page I wonder?


PhotobombI have so much respect for photobombers. It is a noble art that is sorely underused. Points are awarded for extreme facial contortion and everyone else in the photo not realising. “Nice picture you say? Well I give you my orgasm face!”

Seek Medical Attention

Medical AttentionI cannot comment on what this girl may be doing, only offer medical advice. Seek a doctor now, your elbows are going the wrong way and you may have Ricketts.


DJ1This girl is a prime example of going full retard. What is she waiting for with her mouth open? We will leave you to speculate. Her friend to her right seems utterly ashamed to be seen in the same photo, clutching her head in despair. The guy on the top right seems to be saying, “Bitch please, what do you think you’re doin’?”


Watch out! you’re elbowing that Oompa Loompa in the face

"Maaaaaate beg you play that tune!”

“Maaaaaate beg you play that tune!”

I just loooooove house music!!!

I just loooooove house music!!!