So your boyfriend wants a threesome…

What to do and where to go from here

So your boyfriend asked you to invite a third person into your sex life. What now? A lot girl’s minds immediately go to some frantic places when this conversation arises:

“Am I not enough for him?”

“Does this mean he doesn’t find me attractive?”

“Do I have to say yes?”

“Who the hell would I be okay with adding to the equation?”

Some quick answers to these questions are:

“No.”

“No.”

“No.” and

“There’s probably an app for that.”

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So probably don’t have this conversation over text… But don’t freak out!

Threesomes are a common fantasy and your guy asking for one is not signifying of you not being attractive enough or sexually exciting enough in any way. A lot of people are interested in different ways to shake things up but usually that isn’t a sign that they’re unhappy or unsatisfied with the way things already are. Just remember that keeping an open mind is important and even if you’re not interested in something, communicating that in a positive and caring way is crucial to maintaining a healthy relationship with your significant other.

Saying yes is 100 percent your decision. Even if you do agree and then somewhere in the planning you realize that you’re not all down to get down, it’s still totally okay and you have a right to call it off.

The biggest thing when deciding on getting into a threesome is comfort and communication. A very open and honest conversation needs to be had before any action is taken. Lay some ground rules before anyone gets hurt. And as a pretty good baseline, if you’re not comfortable with it, don’t do it.

Is three a crowd?

Is three a crowd?

If you’re not comfortable with your guy doing certain things with another person, voice that concern so that he doesn’t do it. And likewise, if your guy isn’t comfortable with you doing certain things, make sure he feels comfortable voicing those concerns and then don’t do it. And if there are simply too many gray areas and too much discomfort, maybe scrap the whole idea and find other ways to spice up your sex life without the addition of a third party.

Threesomes can be a totally invigorating and positively exciting experience but only if all parties involved have diplomatic and well-received voices. Be open with your partner and be honest about your concerns and maybe don’t throw the idea out the window too quickly.

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University of Wisconsin