I’m not a bitch, I’m just sarcastic
Note to self: It’s never fun to explain why your jokes are funny, it’s always awkward and you sound like a patronizing asshole
People say first impressions are everything. If this is the case then I’m fucked. I give the worst first impressions.
As someone who suffers with a resting bitch face that screams ‘I hate everyone’, a monotonous voice which is incapable of showing any enthusiasm and a sense of humor so sarcastic, it gives Chandler Bing a run for his money, people automatically think: “this girl is a bitch”.
Wot u sayin m8
Firstly I’d like to clarify that sarcasm is not something one can help. Whilst being a bitch is usually intentional, being sarcastic is inherent, and while being ‘the lowest form of wit’ (albeit still a form of wit), it is not something I can switch off easily (especially in serious situations).
Being sassy and sarcastic comes with a lot of downfalls. I will never be the friend that you come to for advice, unless you want the real, honest truth about how you look. (Sorry girl, you look like a twat in that hat).
Tough love is the best kind of love.
To my close friends, the only way I can show affection is through teasing and insulting. Yes, I may be saying I hate you, but those who can read between the lines know I mean I love you. I see it as a sign of endearment. It helps me set apart those with a sense of humor who can tolerate my wise-ass remarks.
Someone who can’t have a laugh quite frankly isn’t worth my time or friendship.
Constant judgement
Sarcasm doesn’t work on the internet.
Even in real life, people can’t tell if I’m joking or not (and honestly sometimes neither can I) but through text or facebook it’s near impossible. My texts usually consist of no emojis and lots of periods, to which I may get replies of ‘OMG are you mad at me????’
No moron, it’s a joke.
My sarkiness and bluntness has even warned off potential suitors. Guys on Tinder definitely don’t expect the sass.
Sarcasm is often used as a defense mechanism, of which I’m certainly a culprit. Using self deprecating humor means not being able to take a compliment.
“You think my hair’s nice? Bitch, don’t lie to me, I’m not falling for that one.”
This works both ways and it’s kind of difficult to pay compliments to others. When everything that comes out your mouth is usually negative, or a joke, it’s understandable why no-one would believe it if I said them I liked their outfit. (I’m working on this though, baby steps)
OMG I love your bracelet, where did you get it
In spite of all this, being sarcastic is great. Those people who approach you in the streets preaching Jesus or trying to sell you their newest mix tapes rarely come up to me, I give fabulous side eyes and even though people sometimes don’t get my jokes at least I find my self funny (which honestly, is all that really matters).
Embrace yoursarcasm. Stay sassy.
(Just don’t be a bitch about it)