So you think you might get a bicycle

Everyone hates bike riders, until you become one

While those that are riding bikes around campus are hated by walking pedestrians, there are definite benefits to wheeling around.

Here are both some helpful tips to keep aggravating people on your bike to a minimum as well as reasons having a bike is actually the best.

Campus becomes smaller

It seems pretty straightforward that when you move faster you cut your commute exponentially, there’s a newfound freedom knowing you’re only 10 minutes away from anywhere on campus now that you’re on two wheels.

Fuck up some commas at the ATM by the Newman Center then be at your physics lab in Hasbrouck in three minutes flat.

A bike lock is a must

Last year I had my wheels stolen over Thanksgiving break. Seeing the frame of my bike limply leaning against the bike rack in front of Kennedy was traumatizing. Please don’t become a victim – put your bike lock through one wheel.

Side note: to the thief who stole my wheels I’m not even mad, you needed to sit down with tools to take my rear wheel off – guy practically earned my wheels.

Don’t pretend to be Lance Armstrong

Are you Lance Armstrong? No? That’s too bad. (Not really, dude’s a cheater and only has one nut.) Don’t be that guy or girl who goes way too fast because you are worse than those pop up screamers on youtube. Worse than the Hasbrouck Fence. Worse than Orgo.

Listening to music while riding will end friendships

What? Well, let me explain. Situation: you’re cruising to class, jamming out to some brand new Adele and you arrive at your seat in your stupid team based learning physics class only to find a text from your friend along the lines of “thanks for ignoring me”. Zoning out happens so easily, you feel like you have blinders on.

Campus is going to be a bumpy ride

Get a comfortable bike, maybe even one with a front fork suspension, because if there’s one thing I’ve learned its that completely flat road is almost unattainable. The smoothest ride you’ll have is the long stretch that connects the Library with Whitmore. Don’t be that asshat (like me) who owns a bike thats designed for road races.

There she is. Ouch. Going over the flagstone in front of the Minuteman by the campus pond is off the richter scale.

Get creative with locking up your bike

Bike racks are almost always full here on campus and you will find yourself locking your bike to fences, light posts, various trees, the occasional desk if you bring your bike indoors, I’ve even locked my bike up to another bike (not recommended).

Winters will be hell

Wind chill will make that morning commute an icy hell, so know when to retire the bike for the winter. You can layer yourself well and wear nice gloves and other various winter gear but showing up to your 8am and stripping off three layers will get you some odd looks. As well as the fact that you’re then tuck with a pile of clothes which you have no where to put. Don’t be a winter cyclist.

Avoid the in between class rush

If you get caught biking while 22,000 undergrads flood the walkways of campus you might as well just walk because you’ll look dumb. You go -5 miles per hour and you are forced to weave and people get mad because you’re brushing up against the sides of strangers. Yet another reason to get a comfy bike with nice tires that can handle going on the grass.

Hope with this information you can make an educated decision to switch to two wheels! And if not, enjoy walking, peasant.

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