‘I am an illegal immigrant but I am human’: Undocumented students explain what it’s like to live in Trump’s America

Unless you’re an undocumented student, you don’t have to worry if you’ll be deported a few months from now. You won’t be told you should go back to your country, or be treated unequally for the color of your skin or your religious beliefs. You won’t be worried about your place at college, or your parents working menial jobs to pay for your education, or your uncertain future.

There are over 11 million undocumented immigrants in the US. Around 65,000 graduate from high school, and only a small percentage of them continue to higher education. But they’re not just statistics, or scary headlines in the media – some of them of my friends. They’re people from my old high school who I look up to dearly. They’re people I’ve gone to prom with, shared memories with and shed tears with.

Their place in America, legally speaking, has always been shaky – but now in Trump’s America, they are concerned for their immediate future. I spoke to my two undocumented friends, who I’m going to call Maria and Rafael to protect their identities, for their take on undocumented life under the new president.

Could you describe your life as an undocumented college student?

Maria:

“The hardest thing about being undocumented is affording to pay for school. Most financial aid opportunities are offered through the government which requires some type of proof of citizenship. Scholarships that do not require you to be a US citizen are hard to find and schools usually don’t offer much aid to undocumented students. I, for example was fortunate enough to get a scholarship my third semester in community college that covered everything and just recently I was granted a small scholarship from the four year institution that I am attending. I have friends who get everything covered through FAFSA and even leftover money to spend at the end of the semester while I pay taxes and have absolutely no rights.

“The second most difficult thing is that, since I have to work to pay for school, I miss out on research opportunities and other educational resources that are offered on times when I am not available due to work. Many times you also have to drive to places for volunteering and not being able to have a driver’s license confines me to taking public transportation―which is often not time efficient.

“The third most difficult thing is to be in an educational environment where most of my friends were born here or have a legal status here were agreeing with many of the opinions of the media where illegal immigrants are painted to be the enemy. It became impossible to not hear about people who had all sorts of opinion about me. While nobody in my classes knew about my status in particular, their very comments and opinions were about me.

“Beyond those issues we have the usual issues that make you feel like you lead a double life, such as when friends ask if you visited your home country recently or why you don’t want to drive or take a trip to Canada with them.”

Rafael:

“Every college student has their own struggles: they can’t afford it, they don’t truly know why they’re there, or maybe it’s just difficult getting the grades they want. However, the primary thing that affects undocumented students more exclusively is that financial aid is simply not an option. My parents overstayed their visas in 2002 and have worked ‘scrap jobs’ since so I could get a better education.

“However since they don’t have social security numbers, they cannot get higher paying and more secure jobs to compensate for the lack of financial aid. That complicates things. I know many citizens that face very similar circumstances, however I just want the awareness that this is something that affects all undocumented students, as opposed to many students who are citizens. In most states, we actually cannot even pay in-state tuition. It wasn’t until December 2013 that New Jersey permitted undocumented state residents to pay in-state tuition. I cannot imagine how those in other states survive.”

What’s your immigration story?

Maria:

“I got here at age 13, so for the most part I never felt much different. I went straight to high school where I was able to learn English in six months and be a freshmen at the right age of 14. I am ashamed of a decision that was not even mine to make; to overstay the time allowed by my visa. Although I am ashamed and wish I could have had the opportunity to come here legally, but regardless I am thankful for this country. I understand that legally I belong to the geographical location where I was born, and am confined to non-existence here. Like me, many other undocumented kids have been brought to America by their parents to escape poverty, death, violence and abuse. I pay my taxes, I pay for school, and have a clean criminal record. My point is, since I was 13, a kid,  this is all I have known. 

“My senior year I took college classes, I graduated top five percent of my class, and received two awards (one in biology and one in E.S.L.). Because of my rank I qualified for a government scholarship in which I would get a full ride through community college and a four year university after if I kept my GPA up.

“Needless to say I could not take the scholarship and both I and my counselor were heartbroken. However, as an undocumented student, you have a choice to give up or to make a way – so that same week I applied for a community college where I attended and eventually got the full scholarship. Just recently I transferred to a four year university and because of my GPA I was able to get into their “undocumented program” and pay in state tuition and keep my small scholarship given by the institution.”

Rafael:

“When I was five years old, my parents permanently came to the United States from a rural and isolated town in Brazil in January 2002, but actually visited here in the 80s. They got an idea of the educational system and quickly noted that my growth here would be much more rich and unlimited not only as a student, but also a human being. Due to the lack of sustainable influences, many people my age back home have sadly wasted potential by turning to alcoholism. A great portion of them will never leave town. It was a magical place for my childhood, but not my adulthood.

“My parents put my brother and I above all else, even if it meant not seeing their parents for another 12 years, and their siblings and other close family members for even longer. My mother had just graduated and gotten her hard-earned degree in education. But instead she sacrificed it cleaning toilets for strangers in a country where the specks of dust she wiped off shelves felt more valuable than her dignity as a human being with love to offer and skills to apply.

“It was for their children. There was never really a master plan. My parents only wanted me to be happy, and I am. In four years I will get my master’s in a well-invested degree and will prove that this pain has a purpose. Seeing my parents still in the same situation while I grow will always be difficult for me to process, but until we are able to visit our family whenever we must, the only thing that will keep us moving will be my results.”

What have people told you to do to receive legal residence in the United States or how to get your papers? How does that make you feel?

Maria:

“I have been told to apply for the DACA even though I didn’t qualify for a very small window of time or that I would only be able to obtain legal status through marriage, so that I am to wait until I am married and try again. The advice was just that: advice.

“I know I don’t want to apply for just anything that is offered to me, and so I decided to wait until I truly qualify for relief. It is very discouraging to wait on a law or provision that may never come, but I can either lose hope or do the right thing until my opportunity comes. So I pay my taxes from the money I earn at work. I pay my doctors when I’m sick and receive no other government benefit and unless I get scholarships based on merit and my grades I pay for school, taking as many credits as possible. I am an active volunteer with my honor society in college and church and have many times been able to extend a helping hand to those people who have no home to live in. Yes, I am an illegal immigrant but I am human, and try my best to abide by the laws of the land.”

Rafael:

“Not much, really. That’s because there is no real path to citizenship in this country. I’ve heard ‘get in line’ before, but no one’s ever told me where that is.

“That’s because it’s bullshit. It doesn’t exist unless you already have a close family member that’s already a citizen, which is clearly not the case for nearly 12 million undocumented immigrants that are here. This country needs an immigration reform. Deporting all of us is unjust. People think of us like we’re an endless, filthy army of people hopping a border like we’re thirsty for American blood.

“The fact that I’m white, speak English fluently, and look of European descent has helped me hide this identity, so I’m a privileged immigrant in that sense. I was sitting with some friends one day when suddenly the topic changed to how ‘the fucking illegals don’t even pay taxes’. Firstly, we do just as much as any other citizen, or else we’d also have the IRS on our tails, and yes I do regret not saying anything. But, this is just an example of how dangerous it is for us, as human beings, to spew out hate because it is easier than doing any research. This applies to any crucial discussion of our country’s politics, and had our citizens been more willing to educate themselves in unfamiliar directions, we would have better qualified people running our country. So in summary, it makes me feel frustrated because a lot more can be understood if we learn to look into each other’s eyes for just a little longer.”

What’s a final message you want everyone to know?

Maria:

“In a simple world, it would be simple to deport me and all of illegal immigrants who ‘ONLY bring drugs, disease and violence,’ except for the fact that I do not do or sell drugs, I do not send my money abroad and withhold my taxes or commit felonies. I do not steal or drive without a license. I work three days a week and go to school on the other three days. The reality is that we live in a much more complex world, where saying ‘You were not born or accepted here so you don’t belong.’ We live in a complex world where to deport me, means ripping from me my friends and family, my opportunities and achievements, it means taking me from home and ripping my identity from me. Extreme measures are not effective in separating the criminal illegal aliens and those who not only want to be here, but are striving towards an education to give back to their communities HERE. The question everyone should ask themselves is, what makes an American? Is it simply being born in the land, or is it caring for it as your own regardless of where you were born? Is it the nine digits assigned to you or is it doing the right thing even you have the chance not to? Is it humbly walking under rain or snow instead of driving illegally and risking other lives?”

Rafael:

“Donald J. Trump is the President of the United States of America. Whether that sentence scares the shit out of you or makes you jump with bliss, please do your research on the things going on not only in the White House, but also in Congress. Do not turn your cheek to the controversial conversations, as those are the ones that deserve the most attention. Acknowledge and fight your biases, learn to love and listen, and more importantly, please speak up.”

Photos by Charlie Capel, from JFK’s Terminal 4 protest.

@gailvivarx3