The types of Penn State drunk
Pass the Natty, please
When you’re a Penn State student, you acquire many skills: a world-class education, networking abilities and of course…the ability to drink anyone you meet under the table. While Penn State is foremost an academic institution, it is also notoriously known for being a top party school, which provides a breeding ground for, let’s just say, extracurriculars.
During your four (or five or six or infinity) years here, you’ll most definitely experience or run into a variety of the different types of “drunk” Penn State has to offer, including:
The “I’ve been tailgating since 8am”
Normally, waking up at 7am for an 8am class is the definition of “The Struggle.” However, no one has to ask you to wake up at 7am on a Saturday for a noon football game, it’s just in your nature. Even more surprisingly, you seem to come to Penn State equipped with the ability to drink before, during and after the game. Maybe it’s the endless amount of snacks or the PSU moms wanting to feed any human that comes near them, but being drunk for this long somehow becomes manageable and your regular weekend lifestyle.
The “Alumni”
We’ve all run into an alum on the streets, whether they have been graduated for six months or 60 years, who wants to tell you every single Penn State memory they have, how proud they are of us and maybe even want to buy you a beer. Through their teary, reminiscent gaze, of course you say “yes” and listen to what you already know: these are the best years of your life.
The “We go to FUCKING Penn State”
This one probably comes from a frat star – the one who has probably reached his peak or maybe an overly excited freshman who has realized that yes, there is life beyond high school and living with your parents. You may hear this phrase right after a prized can of Natty Light has been crushed and thrown onto the sticky, wood floor of your favorite frat.
The “I’m going to Canyon and there is nothing you can do to stop me”
You’ve been drinking for hours, it’s growing on 2am, and someone says, “You know what would be really good right now? Canyon.” How could anyone argue with that? Suddenly, the only thing on your mind is that dollar slice.
The “Out of Towner”
This one is really quite cute. Someone who “hates” (or is just jealous of) Penn State, decides to put their differences aside and pay you a visit. You take them out and they say something really adorable like, “let me show you how we drink at “blank.” This usually ends up with you carrying them home from the depths of West College and a morning filled with remorse for them. Will they learn? Probably not.
Whoever you are, stay thirsty my friends.