What if NYU dorms were presidential candidates?

It should be no coincidence that your 2016-2017 housing applications come in around the time of the Democratic and Republican Presidential Primaries. This is because, believe it or not, the NYU dorms actually have many similarities with the personalities of the Presidential candidates. So, in light of the impending residential selection and Presidential election season, I’ve decided to spark some debate around campus by aligning the NYU dorms in which we live with the remaining Presidential candidates. 

First and foremost, Kimmel is Obama (come on, its the center of student life) and Bobst is Biden (the second most important place on campus next to Kimmel). But more importantly, these are all what I think. I want you guys to disagree–to comment on this post, share it with others, and talk about it in conversation. The article originated from an idea suggested by editors of the Tab, and I took liberty in writing it, so obviously, my opinions are not finite. In fact, they should serve as the starting point for any discussion you have about which NYU dorm is which Presidential candidate. Here’s what I have to say:

Brittany–John Kasich; Governor of Ohio, Republican

The thing about John Kasich is that almost nobody would be extremely opposed to him winning, but not many would pick him as their first choice, either. Take the most recent Iowa Caucus for example, where he came in eighth place out of twelve individual candidates. Brittany Hall is the same way. Most of us absolutely would not mind living there–that penthouse is awesome and the view is gorgeous–but would we prefer living there over some of the other dorms? Don’t be so sure about that. 

Founders–Martin O’Malley, Former Governor of Maryland, Democrat

Ok, so Martin O’Malley actually isn’t a candidate for the Democratic Party anymore–he suspended his campaign right after the Iowa caucuses–but going up against Clinton and Sanders for that long takes some balls, so that warrants his inclusion on this list. O’Malley was a sneaky good candidate. He carried himself well, did not have much, if not any, controversy regarding his campaign, and had some great ideas. However, like Founders Hall, no one really knew or cared about it, and O’Malley was therefore a forgotten candidate.

Goddard–Rand Paul, Senator from Kentucky, Republican

Fine, Rand Paul also put an end to his quest for the White House last week (February 3rd to be exact). However, he is far too similar to Goddard Hall to be left off this article. Paul used his campaign to broaden the Republican Party’s appeal to non-traditional voters. In short, his beliefs contrast those of the modern GOP. Goddard Hall is the dorm that is “organized around the vital theme of citizen engagement” and where its students are “affiliate[d] with one of six themed ‘streams,’ which range from social justice issues to ‘Poverty & Affluence’ to affinity-based streams devoted to ‘Writing New York’ or ‘All the World’s a Stage'” (I got this from the NYU website). Non-traditional this is indeed, and it differs from the other NYU dorms, hence Goddard is to Paul as success is to [most] NYU graduates.

Hayden–Hillary Clinton, Former Secretary of State, Senator from New York…what hasn’t she been?, Democrat

Whether you are with her or not, Hillary Clinton is one of the most polished candidates to ever run for the Presidency. Clinton has unmatched experience, which is what you get if you live in such a nice place like Hayden–those cookies are phenomenal. Also, she is clearly energized and motivated for her quest for the White House, and Hayden’s summer renovations clearly display its quest to be likely the most coveted NYU dorm. Lastly, Bill Clinton’s wife has the most political support for this election and is favored to win the Democratic nomination as well as the Presidency. As previously mentioned, the majority of people I know put Hayden as their first choice. Just like most of America wanting to see Hillary as our 45th President (and to see Kate,  Amy and Tina do more of this), most of the incoming Class of 2020 want to spend their freshman year calling Hayden their home. 

Othmer/Clark Street–Jeb Bush, Former Governor of Florida, Republican

Time to give the Brooklyn dorms some love! For those who have not yet crossed the Brooklyn Bridge to visit Othmer Hall or Clark Street Hall, it’s definitely something you do–these are really nice buildings. Jeb Bush, hailing from his ridiculously politically accomplished family, could be a great candidate. However, the Brooklyn dorms may be nice looking, but they are at a disadvantage really far from Washington Square Park, about a 30-45 minute walk or a 15-20 minute Subway ride, which is where the majority of NYU activities take place. Just like those unfortunately located Brooklyn dorms, the polls reveal that Jeb Bush may be too great a distance from the rest to have a legitimate shot at grabbing the GOP nod in the Primary. However, as stated before, still make the trip to Brooklyn–it’s a fun borough!

Palladium–Chris Christie, Governor of New Jersey, Republican

Chris Christie is easily the largest candidate–he literally won’t be able to run for President, so he’ll have to settle for walking to the White House. Have you seen Palladium? Man, that place is massive: the dining hall, the gym, the Wasserman Center, meeting rooms, and hundreds of dorms comprise the jack-of-all-trades residence hall. This can be seen as overabundance, as well, and Christie definitely fits the bill there. Also, he probably causes the traffic jam at Palladium brunch each Sunday. The only difference is that Palladium has a lot going for it while New Jersey has nothing going for it. BOOM!!! (Sorry New Joiseyers, but NY is better).

Rubin–Ben Carson, Neurosurgeon, Republican

Rubin Hall and Ben Carson are the ones you choose when you don’t know what to choose. Rubin apparently has no air conditioning and has one of the worst reputations among NYU dorms. The new classrooms of Rubin are nice, however, but still, no one wants to live there. This is very similar to Carson: he is a very well known neurosurgeon, so you would go to him for a necessary operation, but do we really want him to do anything more, let alone to be the POTUS? He can bring down the house in laughter, but like Rubin Hall, Carson is not the one who we want.

Third Avenue North–Ted Cruz, Senator from Texas, Republican

Let’s face it: Third North is a gigantic mess. On Friday and Saturday nights, especially, there are loft parties, a packed courtyard, and groups of people attentively wandering around trying to find the coolest places to go. Oh, and its lackluster dining hall…geez, what does 3N have going for it? Well, the dorm is gigantic as it has over 950 people living in it along with “a mini-theater, dance studio, music practice rooms, game room, laundry rooms, TV lounge, many study lounges throughout the building, a computer lab, and an incredible outdoor courtyard at the center of it all [particularly when its warm outside]” (again, this is taken from the NYU website). As the Iowa Caucus showed, Ted Cruz has a lot of support, and like Third North, he has a lot going for him. Moreover, it’s a great place to meet your fellow freshman, so not all is bad with 3N! However, Cruz is also a hugely controversial figure, (similar to one man who will be talked about later), and like those weekend nights and that dining hall, Third North is kind of a hit or miss. But to each man and woman his or her own, and people like the dorm and Cruz, so no judgment :)!

University Hall–Bernie Sanders, Senator from Vermont, Democrat

Boy, does NYU love Bernie, but more on that in a second. University Hall is a sneaky great dorm. It features good-looking four-person suites, a comfortable study lounge, and a pretty great (yet quite fattening) dining venue in Burger Studio. UHall is a hidden gem, and dating back to the beginning of his candidacy, so was Bernie Sanders. UHall can also be considered an underdog, and past, present, and future, so can Sanders, the man making people all around “feel the Bern.” Like Sanders, definitely look into UHall–it’s a good place to live.

Weinstein–Marco Rubio, Senator from Florida, Republican

Marco Rubio looks very good on the outside. I mean, John F. Kennedy very good which indicates that he has the potential to move from “very good” to potential POTUS. Weinstein also looks very good on the outside, and combined with its three great dining halls and Whole Foods-like market, WNYU studios and recording rooms, and location right next to Washington Square Park, Weinstein sounds like the full package, right? Well, then you go inside the residential section of the building, and the more you travel, the more you’re convinced that you’re in a place that looks like the set of “Jailhouse Rock” music video, just without Elvis, the dancers, and the brilliant music that accompanies the classic tune. As of now, Rubio certainly compares to Weinstein in that he is questionable when looking past his charming looks and dynamic orator skills. Just take a look at  this. That being said, Rubio definitely has time to grow into a formidable Presidential candidate, and Weinstein has plenty of time for a renovation, which probably should happen within the next few years (take note Andrew Hamilton!!!).

Gramercy–Donald Trump, American businessman, media personality, and dickhead, …Republican? (he was a Democrat, you know)

Gramercy is an upperclassmen dorm that some of you will be living in next year, but I decided to give it a sneak peek in this article. First off, just look at this photo of Gramercy. It looks like a five-star hotel on the inside and out, and only someone with Donald Trump’s money can freely live in such a luxurious manner all the time. As a matter of fact, Gramercy is among the most expensive NYU dorms, but that’s not exactly the point that’s being made here. I’ve spoken with lots of freshman, and most of them want Gramercy Hall next year. However, because Gramercy is very far from campus (23rd street and 3rd avenue), similar to what people with suites this year currently have, and very pricy, the costs of living there do not outweigh the gains, yet people still live there. In Trump’s case, people should hate everything he says. I mean everything. But it’s February, and he came in second in the Iowa caucus and is considered a favorite to take the Republican nomination. For those who want Gramercy, and for those who support Trump (or to those both of which apply), just be careful what you wish for.