UMich boys are the least romantic humans on earth
He gives you the ‘we hooked up’ nod when he passes you in the Ugli
We all know college is the time to hook up, experiment and fall in and out of love. If you’ve found a partner and you’re in a solid relationship, congrats, that’s cool too. But let’s be real, the hookup culture at Michigan is unavoidable and we’ve all been through it or are going through it. And because hookup culture is so casual, we all deal with heartbreak and disappointment in some form or another – don’t pretend you haven’t been hurt by a past hookup buddy. But the guys here don’t make it any easier. Like respect is cool guys! Just because a girl talks to you, texts you, says hi to you on the way to class does not mean she wants to date you.
Let’s reminisce on some fabulously “charming” stories of the hookup culture here on campus so we can truly see how guys here continuously prove UMich has such great men of exemplary character. I’ve complied many stories and here are all the great qualities UMich men have to offer all you lovely people!
He buys you Pancheros after hooking up because you’re both drunk and he just really wanted queso
He pulls out 8 condoms to make sure you’re super safe or he thinks he’s gonna get super lucky
He’ll fall asleep first so you can take that as an invite to sleep over because it’s snowing outside and you don’t wanna walk across campus at 2:30am
He understands how important study breaks are…
He’ll ask for his shack shirt back in the morning because he had no intention of you actually keeping it
He has the most persistence while drunk, it’s really charming and endearing if you ask me
He’s outrageously confident in himself
He invites you to his frat’s late night and then when you get there, he just leads you to his bedroom right away
He offers to take you to your date party because he just assumes that means he’ll get laid at the end of the night
He’ll stare at you in the Ugli trying to figure out why he recognizes your face but doesn’t reallllly recognize your face… (it’s quite flattering if you don’t think about it)
He wants to make sure he buys you a drink and treats you like a lady except the only one he’s willing to pay for is a tequila shot on Tuesday at Tina
He’ll not only buy you a drink but he’ll even pay for your Uber just to hook up with see you
Sometimes, if you’re lucky, he’ll take you upstairs and as you guys walk into his room, he’ll start talking to you as though you’re some other girl and you’ll realize you’re not who he wanted to hook up with
But if you’re REALLY lucky and you exchange phone numbers, he’ll make sure to add your last name so you’re not just some random person in his phone
Needless to say, these guys have some maturing to do and need to figure out how to be nice and romantic to their partner. But don’t let this get you down, there are some sweethearts on this campus as well and maybe if we’re lucky we’ll find one some day.