Trends MSU needs to leave in 2015

Now that 2016 is in full swing (and we’re finally getting used to writing it at the top of our exams, it’s the perfect time to reflect on last semester and there are a few things that MSU partook in that frankly should not come with us into the new year.

PDA at sporting events

Maybe I am just unlucky, but I swear that at every sporting event I attend, there is at least one couple that is a little too touchy feely. Even at the BIG Ten Championship there was a duo in front of me that could not keep their lips to themselves. I don’t care how into each other you are, if you are more focused on your significant other than the game, perhaps you shouldn’t be there.

Putting sports tickets on sale early

The administration has made this mistake twice this year. First with Final Four tickets and again with the BIG Ten Championship. If there’s one thing that you can do to piss off half of the student body, it’s promising them tickets at a certain time and having them already be sold out by then.

Biking on the sidewalk

Not only is it technically illegal, but by biking on the sidewalk you effectively both endanger and tick off every pedestrian around you.

Hoverboards

The only thing more annoying than bikes on the sidewalk? Hoverboards. How these death traps haven’t been banned yet is beyond me. Not only are they hard to control and dangerous to walkers, they have also been known to explode…is this really something we want on our campus?

Cigarettes

Another thing that is technically not allowed on our campus, but is still a raging issue. There is nothing worse than getting stuck walking to class down wind of a smoker. Somehow that disgusting smell manages to outweigh even the beauty of MSU and makes traversing campus one long trek away from lung cancer.

Vaping

As if cigarettes weren’t annoying enough, 2015 experienced the birth of a new form of smoker. No matter what the flavor is, walking through a cloud of someone else’s exhaled smoke is still super gross. So no, please no vape bro.

Childlike hairstyles

I don’t know how I missed the memo, but apparently the female hair style of the year is a throwback to first grade. Wherever you are on campus, it is nearly impossible to not run into at least one girl rocking a tiny ponytail or bun on the top of her head. It looks like you’re seven. Please stop.

 Man buns

And then there is the male equivalent: man buns. I don’t know when it was decided that looking scraggly and unkempt was an acceptable look, but it should stop. There are the few rugged men who can pull it off, but when men are walking around asking girls for hair ties, things have gotten out of hand.

Wearing too many pastels

Often paired with this hairstyle is a look born somewhere in the depths of a frat house. Plaguing our campus are guys decked out in 16 different colors like walking Easter eggs. Hate to break it to you boys, but just because they are all a pastel does not mean that coral chinos, a sky blue Patagonia vest and a pink Vineyard Vines hat actually match.

Not wearing pants

On any given game day, hordes of girls walk through campus decked out in a look born on the lawn of that very same frat house: oversized shirts and jerseys, paired with knee high socks instead of pants. These girls are risking hypothermia to look cute and it needs to stop. (Admittedly I may just be slightly jealous of their ability to wear this in freezing temperatures while I’m shivering even decked out in a parka).

Double identification at Rick’s

As most underclassman would agree, this rule is stupid. Enough said.

Trying to dance

2015 was filled with dance crazes, and sadly our school, like much of America, lacks the talent to properly render them. Attempts at whipping, naenaeing, quaning, dabbing, and even hotlineblinging all need to stop… now.

Netflix and chill

If the death of chivalry and proper dating procedures could be summed up in one phrase it would be “Netflix and chill.” This concept may sound innocent to older generations, but it is tainted with a connotation that no guy should dare use as a pick up line in 2016.

Well’s preachers

You would think that they would have realized by now that their evangelistic behavior does not get through to anyone, and quite frankly annoys the entire student body.

Vandalizing other campuses

We obviously know that we are far classier than some of the other schools in the BIG Ten, but if we continue to stoop to their level and vandalize their campus too, it is hard for the rest of the nation to see our maturity. Let’s show our true Spartan colors and move away from this tradition of vandalization this year.

Setting things on fire, win or lose

Looking out your window into the streets of Cedar Village after a big game will shed absolutely no light on how the game went. If we win, we riot? If we lose, we riot harder? Frankly I am still confused on the procedure. If we could maybe clarify when we should drag out our couches, that would be great.

White boy celebrations

Perhaps the most nationally recognized MSU faux pau was the Michael Geiger field goal celebration. The football highlight reels after that game show more windmill than actual plays. Adding to the white boy celebration showcase was Matt Costello high kneeing down the court after a block against Florida. As a new year’s resolution, our sports teams should perhaps sign their players up for dance classes.