I tried every single coffee spot on Iowa University campus

I am the student who looks like they haven’t washed their hair in four days walk-running down the hill (probably late to class… even though it’s noon).

Unless I have a dark roast in my hands, there a 50/50 chance I may either mumble nonsense about cat videos or cry.

So, in honor of the beverage that pulled me through my 8:30 morning classes, I decided to review coffee spots on campus.

Burge

The C-Store and dining hall coffee at Burge is in my opinion collectively the best and worst. The best because it’s super accessible for east side residents.

The worst because it’s fucking gross.

I mean, that doesn’t stop me from getting it all the time. If I manage to wake up to my alarm, I make the long trek from Currier-Stanley to get a flex meal solely for the coffee. Every time it tastes horrid, but I would expect nothing less. Although all of the blends taste the same to me, I really like the FULL VENGEANCE because it has a really aggressive name.

I like to think of the C Store coffee like the fling you always drunk text at 3 AM – super reliable for nothing else but your own self-hatred.

If I’m feeling a little nicer to myself, I may actually go in the dining hall and mix 1/3 coffee with 2/3 chai. This is a perfect substitution for when you don’t have the money to go to Java House and your mother refuses to send you any more because you don’t spend it on anything constructive to your education.

OVERALL: 2/5

There’s a rumor the machine in the C Store doesn’t get cleaned often, and that’s why the coffee is always stale and sour.

The IMU

I’m still not sure of what the true function of the Iowa Memorial Union is. The main level is a nice gathering area for public events, the upper levels have various meeting rooms and the art museum, the lower level feels like a dilapidated strip mall, and I just found out there’s a hotel attached to the back of the building.

Regardless, the only time I really go here is for the Java House located in the bizarre banking/eating/studying center. I can get really nice coffee without having to walk all the way downtown.

OVERALL: 5/5

I would also highly recommend the lemon-poppy seed muffins.

The Library

When I get coffee, I want to sit down in a quiet place with a nice atmosphere. The Main Library is not one of those places.

The Food for Thought Café is in the center of one of the busiest places on campus, and I personally can’t stand the main level. I can’t even have a thought with so many people around. Nevertheless, the coffee served here is Starbucks, which is pretty okay.

But every time I get a cup, I feel like I’m succumbing even further into America’s capitalist schemes (nothing personal against the company). But it’s really convenient for when you’re suffering over an essay late at the library since it’s open until 11pm.

OVERALL: 3.5/5

The coffee itself is okay. In combination with the setting, it’s just mediocre.

Art Building West 

I love the ABW.

Like, really. So it’s only fitting that there’s coffee available in my favorite study spot on campus. I don’t buy it anymore simply because no brew is ever dark enough for me, but it’s nice for when you want a brew when studying.

OVERALL: 4/5

My only qualm is that it isn’t freshly brewed. Because of this, it should probably be a 3ish, but I like Art Building West too much.

Art Building West is always a winner.

Studio Arts

The only people coming out to the studio building are art students, and, if I may speak for all of us, we’re always suffering.

The building is just a renovated Menards full of exhausted people covered in paint. It only make sense that an equally sad brew exists in such a place. Like Art Building West, an Oasis falafel branch is installed which offers coffee.

This too is not freshly brewed.

OVERALL: 3/5

I just can’t get over the fact the studio building is a renovated home improvement chain.

Wild Bill’s Coffee Shop

Before I first visited this place, I had already felt a strong affinity for it simply due to the name. It sounds all so playful yet deep and complex with history at once. I thought, “Boy, this is gonna be a classy joint.”

I later found out that the business provides employment for people with disabilities, and it also hosts the Bill Sacker award, which annually recognizes a person with outstanding commitment to the rights and services of disabled people. Not does it have an amazing atmosphere, but the coffee shop is founded on a good cause.

OVERALL: 4/5

It’s hidden in the northeast corner of campus in the School of Social Work, so make sure to hunt it down!

Also – cash only.  Boooooooo.

The votes are in…

IMU – you have my heart. And my caffeine money.