The perfect week: Can you drink for seven days straight?
We took on the challenge
If you know anything about Tallahassee, it’s that you can get down at any given point in the semester, any night of the week. The Tab wanted to test this theory, and see exactly how turnt we could get on any given weekday. That, my friends, is how The Perfect Week was born.
The concept of The Perfect Week is simple. You put on your most uncomfortable best dancing shoes, call up one of your trusty gal pals, and Uber your way into alcohol poisoning and an overdrawn bank account.
So buckle up tight, my friends. It is with great honor and privilege we present to you, The Tab’s Perfect Week: Featuring Caro and Kami.
Monday: Clydes, Mandatory Make-out Monday
We actually don’t know why Mandatory Make-out Monday is a thing, but the title is completely misleading because making out is not, in fact, mandatory.
Also, the concept of “last one, best one” is a wives tale, because Monday was definitely the best night of the week. We were completely charged and ready to get the week started.
Caro and Kami take on the Perfect Week
Our new favorite saying is definitely “Do it for the Tab”
You can’t forget to end the night at Waffle House with a plate full of meat that you would never touch sober.
Tuesday: Recess
Our good friend and fellow Tab writer Hannah joined us for this one. No matter what time we get to Recess, we always end up being entirely too early, so Caro often takes to the empty dance floor to show the fashionably late noobs how it’s done.
By midnight Recess was almost too packed to move, Kami remembered she had an 8 am the next morning, and we’re pretty sure the Zodiac Killer was on the lose in Tally that night.
Still enthused, still energized. Our perfect week also *conveniently* began the week after Snapchat installed auto-play roll over stories, so if you had to see our perfect week snaps by force and not by choice, then we wholeheartedly apologize.
Wednesday: Mint, Wine Down Wednesday
Wine Down is supposed to be a little classier, so we wore dresses- to no avail- as it started to rain almost immediately as we stepped out of the uber. Wine may have been $3, but we still ended up drinking gin.
We really do not know how people muster up the energy to go out on a Wednesday nights when New Girl is a thing.
Thursday: The Standard
By Thursday we were on the verge of literal death. Caro was developing what we now know to be the full blown flu, and Kami was ready to swear off drinking for the rest of her life.
We got to Standard and realized we were walking into three different waltz’s (Happy Birthday, Adriana!) and a date function, everyone was dressed significantly more comfortably than us, and Kami accidentally almost spilled her drink on who we think was supposed to be Jesus in cutoff jorts.
Caro ended up catching a fever, mumbling something about a slow and painful death, and leaving early. I made friends with some wonderfully nice girls in the toilet paper-less Standard bathroom.
Friday: We tapped out
By the time 3 pm set in on Day 5, it was safe to say we we’re going anywhere that wasn’t to Publix for tylenol and gatorade. Our perfect week had ended, our sleeping schedules destroyed, and I still haven’t checked my bank account.
Our Perfect week ended two days short, but in our defense, we soldiered on and did our best. We now know that to better prepare for next year, we need an arsenal of carbs, money, and a permanent IV.
We’ll see you again in 365 days, Tallahassee (but not really because we have class on Monday).