Relationship goals: Don’t be in one
Stay away from the idea of a SO in college
Nothing feels worse than meeting the right person at the wrong time. Kind of like when you meet the perfect person for you right before college.
People say all the time college is the time of independence and exploration. When you meet the person you feel could be your soulmate, the decision between staying single or pursuing a relationship can be harder to make than choosing between Moe’s and Chipotle. (Key words: can be.)
This could be us, but I’m playing
Don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing wrong with starting a relationship with somebody who is mutually interested and invested in you. I respect couples who have the resiliency and trust in their relationship. However, they really are the exception. The truth of the matter is we are still young, and perhaps even too young, to understand ourselves and others, which could lead to rocky intimate relationships.
Erik Erikson (you may have heard about him in your Intro to Psych class), a developmental psychologist who is still widely known for his ideas on psychosocial development. He proposed it is only possible to comfortably share intimate feelings with somebody if you have already established a strong identity. Simply put, if you do not really understand yourself well, or if your partner does not know themselves well, maybe pursuing a relationship with them might not be the best decision.
Yeah it’s not me it’s you…
Take the time in college to understand yourself better. Know your strengths, limitations, your likes and dislikes, know your place in your world before you put yourself in somebody else’s. You could save yourself the time and the heartbreak, because let’s face it, they can change their mind in the middle of the relationship, too. And nobody wants to be caught up in that.
Be in love with your hobbies. Literally
College is also the time to be totally and unapologetically selfish (in a totally good way). Have you ever had a movie night with your group of friends and the squad was split between Kill Bill Vol. 2 (your choice) and the live action Dragon Ball Z movie (side-homie’s choice)?
When you’re single, you’ll never have to sacrifice your personal preferences for somebody else. You don’t have to watch bad movies, eat food you don’t want to eat, listen to music you don’t like, or really do anything you don’t want to do. I mean, you’ll probably be very lonely in the meanwhile, but at least you’ll be doing you.
But, this same concept could be applied to serious situations, too. You might want to study abroad, but your significant other might not want you to leave. Or maybe you want to stay in Tallahassee for the summer to take some classes, but your S.O. wants to spend quality time together. Or maybe both of you might not end up in the same grad school once undergrad is over. What do you do?
If you’re in a relationship right now, and you’re both genuinely happy, more power to you. Nothing makes me happier than seeing two people in love. But if you’re like me, a victim of I’m-not-sure-I-can-commit, yet-itis, take this opportunity as a single person to romance yourself.