‘I truly believe that insecurities are the main source of malice in this world’

The popular “What I Be” campaign returned to Duke for the third time on February 8th to 12th. Photographer Steve Rosenfield began this project in 2012, and it has grown into a global movement. The project aims to “build securities through insecurities.”

We spoke to some of the students involved about their experience working with Steve, and their involvement in the project.

This is the second part of my interviews. You can read about more student’s experiences here.

Arielle Kahn, Junior, Psychology

“I am not my free time.” 

What was the experience like working with Steve? Describe the conversation you had – how did you reach the specific vulnerability you shared?

The conversation was much shorter than I had envisioned. We only talked for about 10-20 minutes. I went in with one idea of what we would discuss but then we ended up talking about something totally different. I went on a monologue about my insecurities. But he wanted me to dig deeper and share something I would be uncomfortable sharing with a group of people. And that is when I talked about my fear of free time.

What was the most challenging part of the experience, and what was the most empowering?

I feel like I have had so many different insecurities throughout my life and it was hard for me to think of how to capture them all in one. I wanted to be real and capture as much as I could about myself.

The most empowering part of the experience was writing my blurb about my insecurity. I love to write about my feelings and for me, getting my feelings and insecurities down on paper was so freeing and cathartic. And then the reactions after were incredible. So many people told me they could relate and that was exactly what I was going for.

Were you nervous to have the picture go public? Tell me about your emotions regarding this experience.

I am typically a very open person. My close friends have always known all about my insecurities and how important I think it is to be open with people. However, I have never put myself out there like this on social media. I hardly ever even post anything other than pictures so putting myself out there like that was pretty terrifying.

What have the conversations been like afterwards? Have you spoken with your parents about your vulnerability, your roommates, random people, etc?

The conversations afterwards have been overwhelmingly positive. The reason why I wanted to do this project was to inspire people to be open about their insecurities and to hopefully have people feel like they could relate to mine. I have had so many people, ranging from close friends, to friends of friends, to distant friends of my parents, reach out to me and tell me how brave they think I am and/or how much they could relate to what I said. These comments have made the experience so worth it to me.

Describe the experience in one word.

Emotional

Any final reflections on the experience?

I believe Steve’s work is so important. Seriously, if everyone could be more open about their insecurities the world would be a better place.

I truly believe that insecurities are the main source of malice in this world. I would definitely encourage people to find people they feel comfortable talking to about their insecurities. It’s OK to not want to share them with the whole world on Facebook.

Busi Sibeko, Senior, Economics

“I am not my ass.” 

What was the experience like working with Steve? Describe the conversation you had – how did you reach the specific vulnerability you shared?

I didn’t really expect much going in, I didn’t have any preconceived notions of how it was going to go. So when I went, if anything, it was actually shorter than what I anticipated. I kind of had an idea of what I wanted to do, and I spoke through it with Steve.

Obviously I’ve seen the project before – you know, you go and check out the website, you want to see how has it been done, so you kind of have an idea of what it might be.

What was the most challenging part of the experience, and what was the most empowering?

Being open and sharing your vulnerability is difficult, and that’s the first step. Whatever vulnerability, no matter how “deep,” the notion that you are going to publicly declare this is a vulnerability is one of the hardest parts.

I think there are some insecurities that you actively encounter on a day to day basis. Some insecurities you don’t realize until you stop to think about them. Like, for me, my particular caption, it’s something I feel every day, but I don’t think I attached the depth to it before. It’s different than how I engage with my insecurity on a day to day basis. If have a thing that bothers you, but you don’t actively think of it through this lens, you don’t necessarily face it head on.

We have to write a short piece to submit, and at the end of the piece most people declare, “I won’t let you define me this way,” and I think that’s part of it. When you write that piece, you think, “Do I want to end this piece thinking, I’m just a victim?” This is what I’m not – that is empowering, the wording there.

Were you nervous to have the picture go public? Tell me about your emotions regarding this experience.

Not really, I just wanted to look good!

What have the conversations been like afterwards? Have you spoken with your parents about your vulnerability, your roommates, random people, etc?

On campus not many people have spoken to me. I had a conversation about it before with my friend – she did it too. I had a conversation with my friends – I mean obviously my friends are going to take it in a more jokey way, because they’re just my friends. But to some extent we spoke about the idea of hypocrisy. If I say I am not this element of my body, and if I say stop objectifying, how am I objectifying other people? It’s an eye opener.

When you have an insecurity, you superimpose it on to other people. If you don’t like a certain part of you, you see it in everybody. In that sense it’s more of a reflection on myself in how I really engage with that.

Describe the experience in one word.

Fun.

I know it sounds weird, but it was fun! Steve is funny, and it was comfortable, so it didn’t feel particularly difficult. I like the fact that it didn’t feel like it was a burdensome event.

I think what made it less intense for me because I’ve thought about it before. For some people if you open up about your insecurity on the day, that’s what you discover on the day it’s difficult.

Another word I’d use is enlightening. The process itself is enlightening.

Any final reflections on the experience?

I think one of the things that people in general are cautious of when it comes to this project is that obviously not everyone is going to disclose their deepest, darkest insecurity. There are some things you really don’t want to open up about. And some insecurities, especially the ones in Steve’s project are superimposed on people. I feel like especially because of the words, it’s usually what other people say about you. One of the hardest things to face with this project is what you say about yourself. If someone is calling you bad things that’s another person’s perspective on you, but not necessarily insecurities we impose on ourselves.

So the complexity of insecurities, which are superimposed and which are internalized – that for me was an interesting thing to think about.

People tend to be critical because they tend impose a hierarchy of insecurities. When people are on the site they’re like, “Oh wow, that one is so deep,” and the next one is just like, “Oh, okay.” It’s all relative, you know? Like if you saw a very pretty girl on there and she was like, “I am not my ugly,” you’d be like, “are you crazy?”

To some extent we don’t really know how deep any of these insecurities are. It’s all relative to what you think is important.

The part that stands out to me most is post-project, the question is, now what? You told the world that you are not this thing, but what happens if the people you are directing the message to don’t see it? What happens when somebody next says something to you? Some people are going to see it and be better people because of it. But not everyone will. I keep thinking, now what? Now, what? Now that the project is done.

Kasey Wien, Junior, Public policy

“I am not my weight.”

What was the experience like working with Steve? Describe the conversation you had – how did you reach the specific vulnerability you shared?

I thought a lot about what I wanted to say beforehand and was deciding between two insecurities, but as soon as I sat down I knew that talking about my weight would be more honest and genuine. Steve asked me about an insecurity that I don’t feel comfortable talking about, or that I think people would judge me for, so I talked about how I’ve gained and lost (and gained more) weight over the last four or five years. It was a pretty quick session since I knew what I wanted to talk about, and he came up with the idea to draw arrows on my face.

What was the most challenging part of the experience, and what was the most empowering?

The most challenging part was also the most empowering: coming up with a statement that meant a lot to me.

After leaving the session with Steve, I was honestly a bit underwhelmed. I was expecting to pour my heart out to Steve, but I didn’t say much more than what I’ve told my best friends before. I spent the day thinking about what I would write to explain the photo, and jotted down notes whenever I thought of something. I spent a solid three hours perfecting the 332 words, making sure that each word and phrase was there for a reason and had an impact.

People responded incredibly positively to my post, and I think that feedback came mostly from my statement. Steve’s photo gave me the platform to think through and understand my insecurities, and I took the opportunity to write sentences that would feel relatable. I can’t even count how many people thanked me for opening up and said “that’s my story, too” or “I feel like I could’ve written those words,” so the statement and feedback were incredibly empowering.

Were you nervous to have the picture go public? Tell me about your emotions regarding this experience.

I really wasn’t nervous, and after talking to others who participated in the project I know that’s not the norm. I’m a pretty open person, and have spoken to friends and family about my body image insecurities, so at first I didn’t mind putting the photo and my words up publicly.

However, I think I forgot how many friends I have on Facebook, because when I saw who liked my photo, it made me realize how many different people from all parts of my life were seeing this.

What have the conversations been like afterwards? Have you spoken with your parents about your vulnerability, your roommates, random people, etc?

The immediate reactions and conversations were amazing. I made the photo my profile picture, and it now has 463 likes, 40 comments, and 3 shares. I seriously didn’t realize that I even knew that many people! The comments are so positive and supportive, and a lot of people told me that my story is very relatable.

My roommate also did the project, so we talked a lot about our experience and she also received positive feedback. The group at Duke who invited Steve also hosted a post-project discussion session, and that was one of the most inspiring and interesting parts of the project for me. Because my experience was so positive, I didn’t realize how many people had negative feedback from friends and family, especially for those who used the project as an opportunity to come out as gay.

Describe the experience in one word.

Inspiring!

Matthew Newman, Sophomore, Sociology

“I am not my loneliness.” 

What was the experience like working with Steve? Describe the conversation you had – how did you reach the specific vulnerability you shared?

I went in with a different idea of what I was going to talk about with Steve. However, as we talked, I began to center more and more on my problems with certain aspects of Duke, and of my insecurities with my friend groups, things that I hadn’t even correlated or come to admit outside of a small circle of people.

Just by talking I found myself admitting things that I hadn’t previously admitted to myself, and that’s how I determined my true insecurities. They weren’t obvious to me, but just by talking through it, I realized things about myself that I hadn’t even bothered to think of before.

What was the most challenging part of the experience, and what was the most empowering?

Bringing myself to actually have the conversation with Steve was probably the toughest part. It’s a very raw thing, going into that room. You aren’t going for a therapy session, and you understand that beforehand. You’re going in with the intention of taking a message and sharing it to the public in order to empower other people by example.

You want to show that they aren’t alone – however, making yourself show that raw emotion is tough, and a little bit scary (at least it was in my case).

I think the empowering thing was I was able to admit feelings I didn’t even know I had. As someone who’s fighting these feelings of loneliness (feelings I described in my What I Be), I was able to bring a type of conclusion to my fight. I was able to show that I have the power to admit to myself I have these problems and these insecurities, and actively find a way to work past them.

Were you nervous to have the picture go public? Tell me about your emotions regarding this experience.

Frankly, I was terrified. I can count on one hand the number of people who I’ve shared these feelings with before talking to Steve, and overnight I had the entire internet capable of looking at my purest emotions. It was scary, definitely, but in a way it was also weird. These were feelings that I felt I needed to keep bottled up inside, but when it came to actually putting the picture online for the public and having everyone I knew see it, it didn’t seem as scary anymore. It seemed almost trivial. Though I can’t speak for every person who takes part in this project, I felt that once I talked to Steve and got what I needed to say out, the actual putting of the picture online wasn’t hard.

What have the conversations been like afterwards? Have you spoken with your parents about your vulnerability, your roommates, random people, etc?

A little bit, which I’m grateful for. To be completely honest, I’ve had people reach out to me and say that they like what I did and identify with it, and that’s all I could have really asked for. I want people to be comfortable with themselves and their insecurities, and my What I Be portrayed something that I feel a lot of people struggle with. I haven’t had any conversations about my vulnerability specifically, but I’ve had people tell me that what I said really hit home, and frankly, that’s all I wanted.

Describe the experience in one word.

Liberating.

Any final reflections on the experience?

I think that a lot of people could benefit from an experience like this. Whether or not that experience is meeting with an actual counselor, talking to a friend, or a support group, etc., letting your feelings out and admitting that something is wrong is beneficial for a person’s state of mind.

Remember that you’re not alone. Remember that there is always someone ready to listen, as long as you’re willing to talk.

@HurricaneGray