The people you have met at Dartmouth
Do you fit one of these stereotypes?
West Coaster
Dartmouth students from the West Coast are shocked and unprepared for the cold Hanover winter. In despair, you’ll hear them asking their east coast counter parts “is there anyway to avoid going outside? … Shit. Does anyone have any extra snow boots?” West Coasters generally have a much different taste in fashion: “what is vineyard vines? I’ve been wearing Supreme 5 panels since eighth grade brah.” Perhaps their greatest struggle is learning to live with atrociously high weed prices in Hanover: “I can’t believe I’m paying $60 for an eighth of shitty bud.” Some people just have the worst luck.
The Sweet Club Sports Bro
Our school is filled with the sweetest bro’s, many of which play on Dartmouth’s many club sports teams. These characters are known for emphasizing their high school athletic accomplishments to other students: “Of course I played varsity sports in high school. I was recruited by a couple of other D-3 schools for crew. I decided to just walk on the to the Dartmouth team instead. I quit so I could focus on Club Frisbee.” You can spot these bros by observing intra fraternity club sports tournaments. They will be starting on the field with a win or die attitude: “The highlight of my term? Definitely when I carried my house to win the club soccer tourney.”
The Sweeter Varsity Athlete
On the first day of any class, or really everyday in any class, you will spot this character as he will be wearing the sweetest new Dartmouth sports gear: “Check out this new team SWAG coach just ordered!” If you venture out to the gym, he will easily out lift the sweetest club sport’s bros. Finally, they often distinguish themselves from other students based on their varsity status as they “try not to associate with NARPS.”
The Hardworking Pre-Med aka “Studius Maximus”
The easiest way to find “Studius Maximus” is to pop into the library on any Friday or Saturday night. Stressing out about the next O-chem midterm, the student asks “anyone want to form a study group? First meeting is this Friday at 9:30 pm.” This student has a knack for making the majority of us feel inadequate: “Did you get above the median on the last O-Chem midterm? I can’t believe how easy the test was.”
The Rage Star
The closest large city to Dartmouth is Montreal, CA. With a lack of any large bar/club scene in Hanover, students flood into fraternity basements when they have free time. The Rage Star can be located on any given weekend, late into the night, in any of Dartmouth’s many fraternity basements. These students are known for their poor academic performance: “I’m so screwed for my midterm tomorrow. Does anyone want to play pong?” They will often drink too much: “Does anyone remember what happened last night?” The greatest challenge to these students is the hard alcohol ban; “I miss fireball shots. MDF sucks.”
Confused Freshman
Every year, Dartmouth welcomes a class of over 1,000 students, many of whom have absolutely no idea how to get around campus; “I’m going to be late to class, does anyone know where Silsby Hall is located?” These students can be spotted at 6:30 in FOCO, everyday: “I can’t believe I’ve gained 15 pounds from FOCO cookies, its time to hit the gym… does anyone know where its located?” Swarms of freshman flock to the club fair at the beginning of each year: “Mom guess what? I signed up for Student Assembly, J Street, The D, America Reads and Dartmouth Coalition for Student Health. All in one day!”
SWUG
Finally, we have the SWUG (aka, senior washed up girl). They are known for their YOLO mentality. Swugs can be more difficult to find as they often stay in their rooms for long periods of time: “If I decide to not drink alone in my room tonight, I’m definitely going out in sweatpants and a hoodie.” Swugs are nervous about life after graduation: “What am I going to do next year? I don’t ever want to leave Dartmouth.” Finally, Swugs are often in denial of their declining social capital; “these freshman girls don’t know shit. I’ve ran this school since 2013…”