The rise of the Cornell fuckboy

We are in the middle of formal season and you know what that means?

Fuckboys are about to reveal themselves.

Now, I am a fan of hookup culture. I fully support it and wish it was even more prevalent at Cornell. However, with the rise of hookup culture comes the rise of the fuckboy.

If you don’t know what a fuckboy is, I have enlisted many Cornellians to help you understand (most of whom prefer to not be named). Some of these Cornellians have been the victims of fuckboys, like this Cornell senior whose fuckboy-related status below resonated with over 400 other women.

When she was still in high school, she posted this heartfelt status:

The Fuckboy in question texted her after she posted and this conversation ensued:

Below are true life quotes from real Cornellians that illustrate the range of fuckboys this university has to offer.

The entitled fuckboy

“A boy who thinks he deserves to get fucked, a guy who tells you he can give me a lesson in sucking dick…that since I was inexperienced, and he wanted head, we should treat it as a learning experience.”

The “You up?” fuckboy

“This guy who I’ve been hooking up with all semester thinks it’s OK to just not take me to formal then text me the ‘You up’ text at 3am.”

The booty call fuckboy

“Those guys who only text you between the hours of midnight and 3am asking for a blowjob or ‘butt stuff.'”

The shady fuckboy

“This particular person tried to date me and a close friend of mine at the same time, even after he found out we were close. Then did a good job lying to both of us after I got suspicious. Lol. Spit a lot of the same game to both of us too, we found out after everything blew up. Then tried to get back with both of us around the same time AGAIN after things died down.”

The Pinocchio fuckboy

“A child who thinks it’s funny to tell all his friends I blew him in a bathroom when I’ve never even met the kid. Kid if you’re reading this, I’m dating your brother, and he says you should get tested.”

But how can one spot a fuckboy?

One Cornell senior told The Tab: “I’ve dealt with tall, short, frat, nonfrat, white, indian, mixed, and black fuckboys. Literally, there is no stereotype: fuckboys are diverse.”

However another Cornellian thought differently.

“Backwards cap, dirty crewneck sweat shirt, shorts and boat shoes… most likely to be seen around noon at CTB.”

Which is interesting because I’m at CTB, at noon, writing this article, wearing something similar….and according to IC students, all Cornellians wear boat shoes.

Regardless, now we’ve established what a fuckboy is, it’s important to look into the psyche of fuckboy.

What causes a boy to become a fuckboy?

Nobody knows, but Cornellians had some theories…

“He thinks that he is entitled to sex because he meal swiped me at RPCC.”

“They are confused with what they really want, and if they realize have slight feelings, they put up a giant wall/barrier and sprint the other way and not consider a girl’s feeling… and also think they’re hot shit because they go to Cornell, but newsflash – we all go to Cornell.”

“Because they only wanna fuck around and be fuckboys.”

After talking to many a scorned Cornell woman, I thought of something. Why not just go straight to the source and ask fuckboys directly? So that’s what I did.

Their responses, below, albeit creative, were surprisingly tragic.

What’s the point of being a fuckboy?

“Because I eat the booty like groceries.”

“Best way to deal with another fuckboy’s problem that he caused.”

“Too many fish in the sea, and I’m trying to catch em all.”

“You up? Sorry I didn’t see this until now. Netflix and Chill? Come over?”

“Because I can smash mad chicks on the low and have ’em each think they’re the only one.”

However, one answer gave me hope.

“The point of being a fuckboy is the gratitude that comes with being a dick to others while still being praised by the greater fuckboy community for your fuckboy-antics.”

But then I received this…

“Keeping their eyes as wet as their vaginas.”

I think I’m done. Stop the fuckboyery.