How to deal with a breakup at uni
It involves a lot of screaming at Netflix
Whether your relationship has lasted two years or two weeks, getting over someone is hands down one of the hardest experiences.
However, I’m here to shed some light on my experiences and provide you with the tips that helped me to get over a sad excuse of a human whilst at university.
Stage One: Denial
The first stage of basically anything, pretending that it isn't happening. You tell people you haven't blocked your ex yet because you're worried something may happen and they need to contact you, or you tell people you're only posting beautiful pictures of yourself to help your self esteem, when really you find yourself constantly checking to see if your ex has seen it yet.
This stage also includes all of the false promises you make to everyone like "Yeah I'm okay," despite the fact that you've cried for three hours straight and only eaten takeaways for the past week, and "Yeah I'll see you at Fibbers tonight," knowing that after a few drinks you'll just want to cry into the nearest persons shoulder.
Stage Two: Uncontrollable tears and anger
Once you've accepted that you're an emotional mess that could burst into tears at any minute you make the executive decision to never leave your room again (unless, it's to top up the chocolate and crisps stash you have by your bed, or to pick up your takeaway).
All of the photographs you and your ex have together will inevitably be torn off the walls and thrown into the bin and any clothes that have been left behind will either turn to ash or experience the wrath of the scissors…
In your state of forced isolation you begin to work your way through all of the rom-coms on Netflix and cry every time the girl gets the boy in the end and scream "WHY HER AND NOT ME????"
Surrounded by torn up photos and snotty tissues you also type your own and your ex's name into a love generator and act shocked when you find out how incompatible you are.
Netflix asks "Are you still watching?" which makes you question if you really are watching or simply just letting yourself fall deeper and deeper into a pit of permanent sadness.
This stage is often the worst and the longest but, it can have its perks: this is an easy get out of uni card as you simply cannot face any lectures or seminars when feeling this down, so you continue to sit in the same pair of PJs you have had on all week and binge every series on Netflix known to man.
Stage Three: Speaking your mind and being ready to hoe around again
When it gets to a time when your housemates haven't seen you properly in two weeks and the most social interaction you've had is shouting abuse at any happy couples in the many Netflix films you've watched, you then realise that you cannot let your ex get the best of you.
After coming to this realisation you begin to close down your Netflix tabs and Google searches of "how many tears can I cry before death?" and open up your Spotify account to make the sassiest playlist ever known. Songs such as "F*ck You" and "Before he Cheats" will inevitably become your holy grail and artists such as P!nk become God like figures in your new found lease of life.
Once you have replaced your sad movies with bad ass bitch tracks, you confidently tell your friends you'll make that Flares night out with them as you have a strong desire to return to your rightful position as the group's dancing queen.
On top of dancing the night away whilst looking your best you might even turn a few peoples heads making you realise you were way more attractive and too good for your lousy ex anyways.