What your Courtyard order says about you

As one of the campus’ busiest and arguably best places to eat, drink and generally socialise, what you order here defines you. With YoYo wallet, ordering is now easier than picking up a 2:1 in History of Art, but don’t rush, you will be judged, so choose wisely.

Chicken Goujons

An absolute classic in many dining establishments. You’ve ordered the solo goujons and whilst your attempt at saving money is valiant, surely you can’t be full from 5 slivers of chicken. If you’re ordering the sharing plate your intellect is rivalled only by garden tools as for 25p more you can get them in a burger with a side of chips. Where’s the logic? Although we do appreciate that this is the closest thing to a McNugget on campus.

Takeaway hot drinks

You’re the kind of person who has a problem with everything and won’t stop at anything to make sure even the mildest Club D is banned, or at least ‘til their JCRC has Blan-D. You get in the way of everyone trying to place food and pint orders and are disliked by ‘Yarders’. Besides, there are plenty of much better coffee places on campus where they don’t take hours to make your skinny, soy, 5 shot, decaf latte. I hear there’s one in the middle of the lake that takes YoYo, reckon you should go and check it out.

Chocolate Fudge Cake

This isn’t your first rodeo. You know the Courtyard menu inside out and are keen to make the most of the ‘two puddings for £5 deal.’ You probably had the 4 for 3 light bite platter to start because you’re super savvy and you’re often found chowing down on a YourShop meal deal regardless of the fact that you hate Cheese & Onion in stale white triangles. But hey, a deal is a deal.

Pitcher to yourself

Your mates may have bailed on you, but you’re so dedicated to the YoYo points, that hasn’t deterred you.

Nachos

Much like the savvy pudding punter, you are well informed and know what’s what. You’re probably studying Law and are generally a little more intelligent than most of your counterparts. Look at those fools ordering nachos to share for £4.50 when the £2.95 solo plate is equal in size.

Beef Burger

It is highly likely that you play rugby and so a good hunk of beef is exactly what you need. Your extras are probably bacon, onions, a slice of extra mature cheddar, pints, lads, banter and more banter all washed down with a pitcher of Snakebite (freshers have to down their first one #classic). All we can suggest is maybe less Courtyard and more training #roadtoroses.

Chicken Burger

You’re definitely from Derwent. This order is as classic as Chav D. You’re probably wearing your Derwent jumper right now. Actually, you definitely are, what else is there to wear? Either that or you want goujons but realise the profitability of this choice.

Vegan Burger

“Just in case you didn’t know, I’m vegan, I used to enjoy murdering animals and vegetables too. Did I mention that I’m vegan?”

You were probably raised on a strict diet of caviar and champagne from birth. You attended one of the country’s top private institutions before heading off to find yourself on your gap year, which, of course, you did. You’ve realised that harvesting fish eggs from sturgeon and mercilessly slaying innocent chardonnay grapes for your bubbly is just too much and head out on a detox. Why this forces you to wear hemp clothing, grow dreadlocks and tell everyone about your ephemeral new vocation is a mystery, you probably don’t know why either…

Curry of the day

You’re just here for the weekend of sports and who can blame you, that’s what Courtyard is made for. You’ll be wearing your retro Liverpool shirt and enjoying a nice Coors Light, if that’s a thing. The big question on your mind though, other than whether or not to place a bet on your side inevitably losing, is whether to get chips or rice? Rice and curry is standard but that’s in a restaurant and this is Courtyard. Plus chips and curry sauce is great. We’ll leave it up to you, hopefully you choose better than your choice of football team. You’ll likely be from James or Vanbrugh and go to Kuda on Tuesdays.

Cumberland sausage ring

You’re a nostalgic type who loves a good old hearty meal. It is probably being accompanied by a pint of Tetleys and followed by a game of darts. You’re the kind of person who came to York for its pubs and live music nights. You may be slightly portly, probably from the west country or thereabouts and a bit of a bumpkin. Your lack of filter is often highly entertaining for those with whom you are surrounded.

Pie of the day

You’ll probably be from the north and trying desperately to escape all the southern fairies who have invaded your beloved homeland. But alas, much like the north, there is nothing pleasant about this meal. You will however soldier through like the hearty soul of northern England you are, and enjoy every bit of it. You’ll pay the 25p for extra gravy too because hey you’re eating out, why not be decadent.

Wraps

You’d normally go to Pret for the Hoisin duck wrap (good choice) but you can’t be bothered to go to town today so Courtyard will have to do. You like to think you’re a healthy person and that the tortilla isn’t as heavy as bread. You spend healthy sessions in the library but not so much that people think you’re a loser.

Paninis

A fairly standard order for a fairly standard person. You probably pay the extra £1 for chips and only eat 1/3rd of them and drink a Coca-Cola without ice or lemon. You know that the BBQ chicken and bacon will let you down without fail, as it always does, but you don’t care. In fact there isn’t a huge amount you do care about.

Meat Supreme Pizza

You had wanted a Chicken burger, but it’s now past 7.30pm so you’ve had to choose something from the late night menu. You always try to plan ahead and be at things on time, but at the end of the day you always fuck it and have to face the sausage.

Carbonara

You enjoy the finer things in life. You’ll probably be from one of the more expensive colleges and will be calling Mama and Papa to check if Cuddles the French bulldog is still as gorgeous as when you left him a week ago. You often eat out in town but now your friends have run out of money (unlikely to be your friends for much longer then) and you’re forced to eat in Courtyard. You think that the creamy tagliatelle is a sensible choice and is as close to home as you can get. You’re wrong, it’s shit.

Chips on their own

You are dull. Bet you don’t even have a condiment alongside, just extra salt.

Salads

“You know what, I think i’ll just have a salad today”

The classic i’m healthier than you phrase. You’re probably sitting in Courtyard in your gym attire after a long half a day of mincing around the library simultaneously pretending to both work and also look like you’ve got a good cross-fit session planned for afterwards. In reality, you do History of Art and have no work to do and you shall not be gyming. In addition the chicken caesar salad is to the salad world as a Marlboro Red is to the cigarette one, about as healthy as growing up in Grimsby.

 

Wings of Fire

Absolutely no idea what this says about you other than that you must have a stomach of solid metal. The likelihood is that you’re a dark horse from Alcuin who never said anything during freshers week but one day you awkwardly tagged along with some of your flat in the evening only to order 20 and smash through them all like a pro.

Feeding Frenzy

You’re a fucking machine if you can eat this by yourself, the kind of person that Channel 4 makes a documentary on. In the future you’ll be in the Guinness World Records for eating the Eifel Tower.