Student house awaken to find a literal human dump in their garden

A third year student house in Jesmond woke up to quite the surprise on Sunday, hoping to soak up some of the rays in their garden before they hit The Robbo, they instead opened the door to quite the bombshell. Instead of sunshine, all they got was a stench so bad, it led them to the sight of a literal shit.

After contemplating if it was the faeces of a cat, dog or any other animal, they were horrified to realise that due to its incredible size it must have been that of a human. We all know Jesmond can look like a bit of a hole at times, and pres can get out of hand, but this was not going to stop the house in their determined fight to find the culprit. So as any normal student does, they took to Castle Leazes ticket exchange, which unfortunately proved unsuccessful…

A resident of the house on Cavendish Place, choosing to stay anonymous for understandable reasons, has told the Newcastle Tab, ‘It’s just a bit close to home isn’t it, my diss is a literal turd at the minute, so thanks for the reminder I guess.’

A second resident has stated, 'I'm shook up, no words can describe this feeling, just feel like shit.'

A comment on their Leazes post, stated that a couple of girls had experienced something similar…

So, the Newcastle Tab got in touch with them, Bianca Patel who also lived on Cav, told us that the same thing happened to her house last year. However, it wasn't in the garden, it was on the doorstep. Bianca stated, 'someone took a shit on our doorstep, and it happened again a few weeks later on the same spot,' unfortunately they too never found out who it was. She added that it happened at a time when 'the weather was really nice just before summer so it absolutely stunk and you could smell it inside the house.' This went from bad to worse, by the 'millions of flies as you opened the front door.'

This has provided comfort to this years victims though, they tell us that knowing others have experienced a similar trauma, they feel 'a bit perkier, knowing we're not in this alone.'

So, let's all hope whoever it was can hold it in, for the summer at least.

And to everyone else, tred with care and beware, there's a shitter out there.