Everything men need to stop saying when I say I don’t want to be groped

Apparently ‘no’ needs justification


I’m in a lovely committed relationship with a wonderful man. We’re both students in Manchester and have had some great nights out both together and apart. Manchester, hands down, has some of the best nights out the UK has to offer, probably even the world. With my friends we hit pre drinks hard, get the magic bus, hopefully get into a club before paying £5 for a £1 night, get drinks, dance, get food, go home. It’s a beautiful and timeless uni tradition.

Just heading out for girls night

Just heading out for Halloween girls night

Whilst dancing, apparently women are meant to be grateful for being groped by a complete stranger. I can’t testify for men being groped as I myself am not a man. I can testify that I’ve felt very uncomfortable and said/signalled and made it very clear that I’m not interested. To which I have often received the question “Why?” as if “Don’t touch me” needs much of an explanation. I used to just say “Because I don’t want you to” which more often than not resulted in these replies

“What are you frigid or something?”

“Don’t be like that.”

“Don’t dance like that then.”

Sometimes it's easier to pretend to be your friends lover than explain you don't want to be groped

Sometimes it’s easier to pretend to be your friends lover than explain you don’t want to be groped

Then I realised that if I was out with my boyfriend people wouldn’t bother me. So on a night out with other friends if I said I had a boyfriend, for the most part I wouldn’t have to further justify why I’m not interested. Not that anyone should have to justify not wanting to be groped anyway! However saying “I have a boyfriend” actually seems to bring about a whole new interrogation;

“Where is he then?”

“Does he know you’re out?”

“Why aren’t you at home then?”

“People only come out to pull, you should go home.”

“You shouldn’t dance like that then.”

“You need a real man out here looking after you.”

“If he actually liked you, he wouldn’t let you out… I’d look after you babe.”

“I don’t believe you.”

“Fuck your boyfriend.”

“I wont tell him.”

“I’d let you cheat with me.”

“But, my mates getting off with your mate, so who am I supposed to get off with?”

“So?”

“Slag.”

“Fuck off then.”

Call me naive but I’d like to live in a society where dancing isn’t an invitation to be groped, where a simple “No” doesn’t require justification and where I’m then not judged and told to go home.