My week as a vegan

Having eaten very little but pizza and meal deals in my two years as a student, I could hardly be considered a healthy person. Things obviously had to change, and given my loathing of all things physically active,the only logical option was of course to launch head-first into veganism. 

Day 1

Things didn’t exactly start well. Marching into uni and announcing my newfound moral high-ground, I was met initially by derision. When the laughter had subsided a very pertinent question arose: ‘what about your clothes?’ Looking down with horror at my coveted Doc Martens, leather belt and woolen jumper, it was becoming painfully obvious that veganism was going to require more than just the occasional apple.

As is routine, we then went for a post-lecture cuppa, and once again the real nature of the challenge began to dawn on me. There was literally nothing I could eat. I’m hardly fussy, but the only thing I could find was beans, and I fucking hate beans. The café was also without soya milk, so I was forced to drink my tea black. An abomination, I’m sure you’ll agree.

Day 2

In an effort to resolve the clothing situation, I took the trip into town to purchase some new shoes. Though I was later made aware that there is such thing as vegan DMs, I’d spent the majority of my money on takeaways in the preceding months, and decided to take the trip to Primark.

Operating under the assumption that Primark’s ‘leather’ shoes are too cheap to be authentic, I was proved right by the rolled eyes of the customer service desk, and only £12 worse off I returned home to celebrate with a slap-up meal of… a banana.

Day 3

Before starting I’d never really given much thought as to what vegans eat, and approaching the halfway point I realised that I probably should have done. Having had nothing but beans, dry toast and mixed nuts so far, I decided to trawl through the nearby supermarkets to see what was on offer.

With my local Lidl and Tesco Express faring exceptionally poorly, I had no choice but to make the trip to a much larger Tesco in town, but even here, amongst aisles upon aisles of junk food, the vegetarian section was pretty pitiful. Slightly deflated I stocked up on all the falafel, humus and tofu I could carry, and made my way back.

Tesco’s entire vegetarian section. Oh, and Quorn isn’t vegan.

Day 4

I awoke on day four with an unusual feeling of elation. The majority of people who know me would probably confirm me to be the grumpiest of sods, but today things were different. It was the best night’s sleep I’d had in ages, and the incessant hunger pangs were beginning to ease.  Could it be that the much-lauded health benefits were finally beginning to kick in?

Day 5

As the weekend approached it was time for my first night out as a vegan, with research indicating vodka as the way to go in terms of avoiding animal product.  There wasn’t a hugely marked difference in the result of drinking on a healthier stomach despite having far less in the tank to soak it all up.

The main dilemma came with the standard pre-passing-out takeaway, where I realised my standard doner was not to be. With envious glares at my friends’ pizzas a portion of plain chips was forced to suffice.

Pissed with a pizza: the glory days

Day 6

With the morning’s hangover came another predicament. My go-to cure has always been a greasy bacon sandwich and a milky tea, but with meat out of the question and soya milk less than appealing, I was left to nurse my wounds with little more than a falafel wrap and plenty of water. Fortunately after frantic googling I managed to work out that Alka-Seltzer was still allowed.

Us vegans can only dream of such a delicacy

Day 7

Reflecting on my week, an obvious pattern has emerged: when at home veganism was perfectly easy – even with little in the way of ingredients it was easy to come up with a varied and tasty diet.

But when at uni the lack of vegan food available bordered on the disgraceful. A modern university should have an obligation to cater to all tastes, but for a vegan who doesn’t like baked beans there’s pretty much nothing on offer.

Regardless of how difficult it can be to uphold, veganism has left me feeling fitter than ever, and having finished the week I’m at something of a crossroads as to whether I continue. On the one hand I’m happier, healthier, and even a few kilos lighter, but on the other my diet’s become hugely limited. Overall however I’ve decided to continue at least until the end of Lent in late April, and frankly I’m looking forward to it.

And I can finally wear my Meat is Murder shirt with pride!

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