The ultimate guide to finding the perfect match on Tinder

When I moved to London, I decided to re-download Tinder. Coming from a small town in the Midlands where you knew pretty much everyone your own age, London presents a huge variety of options. Almost too many.

As a group of us discovered, you can’t arbitrarily swipe, there has to be a system. It’s not just enough to like someone’s picture; they have to be the complete package. It may seem savage, but these methods have been tried and tested and rendered pretty impressive results – 10 matches in 45 minutes, of which five resulted in a message of some description, and three in a sustained conversation.

These are some of the basic profile elements that we agreed generally result in a solid left swipe:

Snapchat filters

These are a no no. It implies that you have something to hide and that this is one in just a stream of snaps. Same goes for blurry pics, frames, stickers and awkward cropping. It just makes you look basic. Basic doesn’t get right swipes.

Too many mutual friends/connections

Admittedly, this is one that you have no control over, but if you have loads of mutual connections with someone, do you really want your mates to find out that you got chatting over Tinder before you have a chance to tell them yourself? On the side of caution; it makes the awkward intro so much easier if you aren’t worrying that your friends have said something about you to them.

Horoscopes

Seriously, no one cares.

Hiding your face

Says it all really….

No age

This makes it look a little bit suspect; if you’re hiding how old you are, what else might you be concealing? Admittedly, it’s easy to lie about your age on these apps, so better to say nothing instead of pretending, but it’s still a bit creepy. Also goes for no bio; if you can’t be bothered and we don’t know anything about you, why should we say yes?

References to ex-partners

When I see “girl in the last photo is my ex” in someone’s bio, it makes me cry a little bit inside. If you feel the need to explain, then possibly don’t have that photo there?! It implies that you’re still not over them and also shows the prospective match what they’re trying to follow.

Questionable shared interests

Any others?

Group photos

It’s lovely that you have lots of friends, but if we don’t know which one you are, then that complicates things a bit. It’s time consuming and often disappointing; one or two solo shots and then one with your mates.

Gym/Club pics

You like doing exercise and keeping fit, great! But, if this is the first photo that pops up with your name, it speaks volumes. Remember, a picture says a thousand words, so one of you flexing your abs will scream ‘poser’, ‘shallow’ and/or ‘over compensating’. Ditto with club pics; makes it look like you’re trying way to hard to show how popular and fun you are.

Abs for days….and not much else!

Multiple photos at the same event

This just says “I looked really good this one time so I took loads of photos but on a normal day I look like crap.” Variety is key, as is the order of photos. Go for a nice head shot, an exciting photo, another nice photo, pet/grandparent photo, nice photo and then finish with a fun one (group pic, active photo, that sort of thing.)

If you do match, keep it chill with the first message

Puns are good. Jokes are good. Questions are good. Anything too forward, and most girls will run a mile. Keep it chilled, but not too basic. Simple really!

As I said, these rules may seem harsh, but otherwise you’ll have to kiss a lot of extraneous frogs to find your prince. Go in with the perfect profile in mind, and accept nothing less than that. It works, honest!