Every single person you’ll live with in your Coventry University halls
Including the ghost flatmate who you’ve literally seen once
Coventry University halls are a breeding ground for student stereotypes. The mum of the flat cooks while the drama queen chats about some gossip that she heard from her course mate in her 9am lecture.
Meanwhile the ghost flatmate makes minimal noise in their bedroom and you wonder if they might actually be dead. Every flat has them: this is everyone you'll live with in your Cov Uni halls.
The sports lad
Either they don't sweat and therefore never have to wash their sports hoodie, or they have multiple which they can wear everyday. Really, both of these situations are unlikely and the reality seems much more gross.
And the hoodie itself is just a tool to state that "I may act like a douche but at least I'm on a team of douches".
They might seem intimidating but don't be fooled, they're actually pretty sound. And relax, they can only reach their full form when surrounded by the rest of their society egging them on to chug their eighth pint at Castle Grounds.
You probably saw them on moving in day but once that door closed, it never opened again.
Almost like a poltergeist, plates move on their own, weird noises come from the kitchen in the middle of the night and a dank smell lingers – they're probably a drug dealer.
You and your flatmates genuinely consider how long it would take you to notice if they died in their room. The bet is generally about a month.
The drama queen
Their tinder game is strong but their immune system is stronger. They're the ones with push up bras thicker than their jacket (if they even have one, the drama queen is never cold) and unlike the sports lad, this flat mate goes hard and doesn't come home.
Not back to your place anyway. When they do come back two days later, they're wearing a shirt that's clearly not theirs. Even more likely, they're wearing the sports hoodie of the boy they pulled. And if they don't bring home someone else's drama, they create the drama.
The Erasmus student
Like a breath of cold air on a hot summers day the Erasmus student can bring a ray of French sunshine to the grey of your flat. Too bad it's clouded from all their cigarette smoke.
They bring their YSL spray and expect you not to feel your own student account cry at the sight of the Lacoste logo on their sweatshirt.
Dominating your kitchen, they turn everything they touch into some low key Avant Garde shit (what even is Bouillabaisse?) and you swear you know more french from their phone conversations than all those years of GCSE combined.
The weird one
Can they just not. It's bad enough having to make eye contact with them so why do they insist on holding a conversation. Outside your bedroom door. For an hour. After you told them you were going to bed.
They're nice enough as a flatmate but their social skills are something else. This flatmate likes the odd and obscure and they've probably been to Daddy Cools. On purpose.
The one that should really live at home
Did they even bother unpacking? They've got more baggage than the drama queen and their consistent train tickets cost more than your rent.
And their hometown is probably super close, like Birms or Leicester, because they didn't want to go to a uni too far away – yawn. Seriously. Why are they living here again?
The mum of the flat
She's lowkey the flat favourite because she's the only one sober enough clean the kitchen the morning after and if providing emotional stability was a degree she'd be taking a masters.
Even in Primani sweats and her leavers hoodie, this gal can bring all the boys to the kitchen. Courtesy of her spag bol aka the only home cooked meal you'll eat when you're at uni.
Despite this, her sticky notes are the definition of 'passive aggressive' and a smiley face deffo means you're fucked. The mum flatmate is not to be messed with.
The true fresher
Getting wrecked on WKD blue like it's the year 11 prom seems to be their thing, even though they always promise that they'll finally make it out after pres. They lie.
They claim to have gone out "loads" before uni but they're a rookie and everyone knows it. You watch them do shots of something lame like Sourz, knowing full well that you'll be the one holding their hair back later.
And if it's not you holding their hair back, it's the flat mum. If there's a mum in the flat then there has to be a child for them to take care of. This baby will grow up eventually. Maybe by third year they'll even be able to last til 1am!