Dear Jack: I think my boyfriend’s cheating on me…with my flatmate!

The Tab’s Agony Uncle deals with a girl who suspects her boyfriend is seeing her flatmate


Hi Jack,

Really need your advice. Basically my boyfriend’s been really off with me for the last month or so. We’ve been going out for about a year and things were going really well, but recently there’s been a real change in his attitude.

He hasn’t been taking me out, he’s not really making much effort to see me and he’s not been responsive to calls, texts and Facebook messages. I know he’s been busy with his sports team and work, but something’s definitely not right. I’m not sure whether I’ve done something wrong?

Relationship issues are taking their toll (not the real girl)

Relationship issues are taking their toll (NOT the real girl)

Anyway, meanwhile, my flatmate split up with her boyfriend about two months ago. She’s a really good-looking girl and very flirty. Last week I came back from lectures to find her and my boyfriend standing talking with each other in the kitchen. They were both very serious, like they were talking about something really personal. Both their moods really changed when they saw I’d come back and the atmosphere felt really awkward.

I’ve also noticed my flatmate’s been going out for the night much more regularly than usual. Whenever she’s out, I can’t get in contact with my boyfriend.

Am I being paranoid here? Or is something up? I can’t believe my friend would do this to me, but then again my boyfriend is a very good-looking guy. Please help.

Right, first things first, you’ve got to confront your boyfriend. Tell him you want to talk – and it’s mega urgent. You’ve got to find out what’s up with him first, since you don’t want to ruin your friendship if the reality is there’s nothing going on between him and your flatmate. There could be a simple explanation for the conversation in the kitchen – perhaps he was talking with your friend about your relationship.

Tell him how you feel – that you think he’s being a prick and his attitude towards you recently has been really poor. Ask about the incident in the kitchen. You’ll be able to tell from his response whether he has been shagging your mate or not. Cheats, when confronted, are generally really shit liars.

If he admits he’s been seeing your friend, then I think best thing to do is inform your other flatmates and force her out of your flat. I’m sure your other friends will support you. You can’t live with her if this is the case; it’s just not going to work.

If he denies it, double check by secretly following your flatmate on one of these ‘nights out’. You’ll soon find out where she’s going.

Either way, it seems trust is a major problem in this relationship. Unless you get it sorted – confront your boyfriend and tell him you think he’s been a right tosser – there isn’t really a way forward. 

Cheers,

Jack

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